LoonieC

Quiet Times

2011-06-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

My house is so darn quiet! My children have been gone since Saturday and I'm still trying to get used to the quiet. They are with their dad for two weeks and just when I get used to the quiet, it'll be time for them to come home. I have a project list I need to start working on, but I've been catching up on my rest. I've also been catching on television shows that I missed during the regular season. Then, there are the new summer episodes like Hawthorne and Memphis Beat. It's nice to be able to watch and hear.

I know I need to take advantage of this time and start cleaning out bedrooms. There are tons of stuffed animals that I need to make disappear. There are closets that need to be cleaned out, carpet to be shampooed, walls to be painted...but I can't seem to muster up the energy to get it done. I'm waiting for the Energizer Bunny to make its appearance.

Not only do I need the energy to clean, I need to READ! I have about ten books in various rooms and I really want to read them, but "stuff" just seems to keep getting in the way. I realize that we make time for things that are important to us, so I guess it's just a matter of doing so. Posting and updates will follow.

Exreme Couponing or Just Plain Nuts?

2011-06-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

I am a coupon user. I try very hard not to purchase items/services unless I have a coupon. So when I heard about the new show, Extreme Couponing, on TLC, I was all in. I was looking forward to learning new strategies on how and to get the most bang for my buck. Three months later, I have not learned much and I tend to watch with a grain of salt. Only a few of the users stress the importance of knowing the store's coupon policy. And I have yet to visit a grocery store where the cashier is "happy" to see a stack of coupons in the customer's hands. :-)

I think most of the guests on this show are beyond extreme. There the few who use their obssession to help others in need by donating their stockpiles to charity. But since I've been watching, I've only seen about three of the guests with those plans. I'm all for saving money and getting the best deal possible, but it is beyond extreme to buy products because they can be obtained at rock bottom prices...who needs sixty bottles of mustard ; fifty bottles of hot sauce ; twenty-five bottles of Maalox?

I am very disappointed in this show because I have have yet to see one family buy healthy foods. Most of the guests load up on instant noodles, sodas, frozen meals and health and beauty products.

The Conversation

2010-07-21T07:46:00.000-07:00

Most people know Hill Harper as Dr. Sheldon Hawkes on CSI:NY, but many don't realize he is a Harvard Law School graduate and great author. His first two books, Letters to a Young Sister and Letters to a Young Brother were both New York Times bestsellers. When I saw The Conversation as an Essence recommended read, I immediately put it on my TBR (to be read) list.

The Conversation by Hill Harper has been an eye-opener for me! I've read a lot of relationship advice type of books and they all just reinforceed things I already know. You know, tough love stuff...but Harper has actually made me pause and think about what he is saying. He speaks from his experience, watching others who have been married for years, and from talking to real people about their experience. I especially like the conversations he has with men at the barbershop and writing verbatim those questions and answers.

I read Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and was thoroughly entertained, but felt like I really didn't learn anything because deep down I already know those things he discussed. I mean, most women know to wait a while before giving up the "cookies." Harper is different because he is focusing on communication....how we lost it and what we need to do to get in back. He leaves no subject untouched. He discusses the language of men, dating with kids, and money. The book is subtitled How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships, but I think people of all races can learn from this book as it focuses so much on communication. And for those married folk, the advice can make that relationship even better.

Thanks Hill for finally getting to the crux of the problem. Hopefully, more people will pick up this gem and we can begin to have those "conversations."

1 Down, 51 To Go!

2009-01-11T16:10:00.000-08:00

During the holiday season, I was a fixture at WaL-Mart and those who know me well knew I was in one of the surrounding store several times a week. Well, the love affair is (finally) ova! Why? Because the day after Christmas I was bargain shopping and came across a tablecloth that I wanted and since it was on the Christmas clearance it was supposed to be 50% off. Now I know I'm not the best math student but 50% of $7 is $3.50, but it rang up for $4. I informed my sales associate of the error, but she refused to override the price. Granted there was a language barrier,(she was of Asian descent) but 50% off is 50% off in any language. I told her I didn't want it...soley on principle. Wal-Mart is notorious for wanting every penny owed them and treating their employees like crap. It was then that I started rethinking my shopping habits and what I can do to make a dent in the billion dollar enterprise. I can stop shopping there!

So, in my quest to do so, I am trying to avoid Wal-Mart at all costs. I have been doing my shopping at Kroger, Dollar General, Walgreens, and Fred's. Sometimes I can't find what I need and it take a couple of trips, but that is okay. I haven't been overspending either. You know, go to Wal-Mart for one item and end up leaving $100 lighter? I've also been exposed and enlightened on better customer service, more variety, and even better prices! The only time I've been to Wal-Mart during the past week is to rent a movie from the Redbox.

So, I've survived one week with Wal-Mart, can I make it the rest of the year! That is the question of the day!

2008-11-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

Now that the election is over, I'm still addicted to MSNBC. I've developed a liking to Chris Matthews, Keith Olberman, and Rachel Maddow. I've also developed a couple of crushes on some of the pundits and polictical analysts and I find myself watching just to get a glimpse of these guys...

Keith Olberman, the infamous host of Countdown on MSNBC. Yes, sometimes he can be obnoxious, but that is part of his charm. I knew I was hooked on him the night I was watching the Dallas/NYGiant football game and my ears picqued when I heard the sportcaster's voice. I thought to myself, "that sounds like Keith Olberman" and when they showed the face to the voice, it was!

Chuck Tood, the political director and analyst for NBC News and MSNBC. He is just cute!!! And I really like his "boy next door" demeanor. I got the thrill of a lifetime when I watched "Decision 2008" on MSNBC as they gave him the floor throughout to give the breakdown of voting patterns.

Richard Wolfe, correspondent for Newsweek. Okay, not my type, but there is something about his accent that I love. He is a regular on Hardball and Countdown and I just love his analysis.

Lawrence O'Donnell, MSNBC analyst and HuffPo contributor. Love the way he just breaks it all down and give a nice, succint answer. The fact that he's a HuffPo contributor adds to his overall point system too.

I guess I will have to find someone else to transfer my affection to soon. But considering my crush on Obama was transferred to them, I'm sure it won't get better.

Blah, Blah, Blah

2008-08-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

Has anyone seen the Cellular South cell phone commercial where the show the progression of a little girl from birth to teen? She comes out screaming and she continues to talk, talk, talk. The commercial ends with the mom handing her a phone with unlimited minutes. I laugh everytime I see that ad. My LP is that girl! She talks all of the time. Mind you, she doesn't talk to strangers much, but I get an earfull. Sometimes, I have to ask her to be quiet. She talks to whoever is around and if she is alone, she grabs her stuffed animals and they talk to each other. I love the fact that she is able to entertain herself, but because school has started, I'm beginning to wonder where do I draw the line.

LP's teacher sends home a daily behvavior sheet and green means that she did not have to say anything. Well, LP has been in school for twelve days now and she's only had two greens. Each day she has to be told several times to do a task or be quiet. While attending open house last night, her teacher asked if she talks in her sleep. All I could do was apologize and promise to keep talking to her about the talking. She is doing well academically, but as things become more difficult, her teacher is afraid she is going to miss something. I agree, because I'm stressed out about the homework. She has ten spelling words each week, she also has twenty-five vocalbulary words and she has to learn to spell the numbers 1-12!

Then we have DQ, the social butterfly! As she blossoms into a teen, I'm beginning to feel like the taxi driver. She has to be in the middle of everything...in a way I'm glad she has a circle of friends. I know these girls and their parents, so I'm pleased with her crowd. When I was in Jr. High and High School, I kind of floated and as I've gotten older, I've lost touch with people and sometimes I wished I had good friends to hang out with. I've also got leverage, since she loves to go and most of the time that requires money, she has to keep her room clean! I know longer cringe when I walk past. DQ seems to have calmed down a bit this year. She promised that she and her friend KW are going to focus on the books this year. I'll keep all posted on how that works!

Confederates...

2008-08-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that I participate in a program at NWCC that is part of its Continuing Education program. The library has a Reading Roundtable, each month we read and discuss books. (Check out http://www.misslib.org/publications/ml/winter07/Libraries_Winter_07.pdf for the history). This month we are reading Confederates in the Attic: Dispatches From an Unfinished Civil War by Tony Horwitz. What can I say? I'm only on page 133 and I've realized what I thought was a small problem is a lot bigger. Okay, the book was published in 1998, but after seeing the fangs come out because of Barack Obama, I think it was on point.

Horwitz is obssessed with Civil War history and after attending a reenactment, he ventures off to retrace the war by visiting different places in the South. He learns how the war is kept alive and why people want to keep it alive. I'm all for freedom of speech and expression, but some of the ideas are just downright scary. As I've stated many times before, racism is a taught behavior. And it doesn't have to be expressed in words either. "Actions speak louder than words." I mean, I always knew about the Sons and Daughters of the Confederacy, but didn't know much about the Children of the Confederacy where children are taught from birth. Again, this book is making me really look at myself and how I view people and what messages I might be sending/teaching my children. I really think we need to come together to deal with the problem and their is still a problem in America. My favorite line comes from a women from Vicksburg, MS. "Things haven't changed because deep down people's hearts haven't changed. No law, no government, no corporation is going to make you do the right thing. That comes from inside. The outside's changed, but the the inside's the same."

Black in America

2008-07-24T19:02:00.000-07:00

Well, tonight I've been watching CNN Presents Black in America and it is really interesting. The focus is on the Black Male (missed last when they talked about Black Women and family), Soledad O'Brien is doing a great job of telling the story and experiences of real Black men. Although she has covered many issues, the bottom line is that Black people are just trying to make it just like every other race of people. The difference is that we have challenges that have followed us since we were brought to America in chains. The legacy of slavery is still affecting our lives, how people perceive us and how we interact with one another. Did you know that a majority of employers said they would hire a White man with a criminal record before hiring a Black man with a college degree? Did you know that only 3% of management positions are held by Black men? Did you know that there are over one million Black men in the prison system and most are NOT there due to violent crimes?

This has been an eye opener for me and is a much needed documentary, but I feel that CNN is "preaching to the choir" and those who really misunderstand what it is to be Black in America will not watch it. I commend CNN for trying to educate the nation and provide a candid look at the daily and complex lives of Black Americans.

I grew up in the Midwest for the first half of my life and while there is racism in every corner of the globe, it wasn't as blatant in my world. My sister and I attended a private Catholic school, my friends were diverse and I think we were exposed to much. Then we moved to Arkansas and that was an eye opener for us! The town was segregated, private schools were for Whites only, friendships were segregated. After graduation I attended The University of Arkansas from 1987-1991, a time when only 4% of the student body was Black. I've been talked about for going to U of A, for trying to raise my kids to use correct English, for getting married BEFORE having children, for having my hair cut in layers. O'Brien touched on this isses as well, dealing with racism within the race as well. When will it end?!\

So my take on being Black in America: A constant struggle!

Me Time

2008-07-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

Heather Headley is an R & B singer who has a song titled "Me Time." In it, she is explaining to her love that she needs some time to herself, some time to just hang out with other women and enjoy doing womanly things. She explains that doesn't mean she loves him any less, she just realizes she is her own person and has to have a life away from him. Man, can I relate.

I don't have a man in my life, but I have the need to get away for a while. I realized last night that I haven't been away from Senatobia for an extended period of time since March. Today I am headed for my parent's...my kiddos have been there all week. I usually go for two days max and head back home. My parents live in a small town and there is not much to do, and I always figure I can do nothing at home. Plus, I was really trying to make a romantic relationship work. This week I realized that relationship is going nowhere and I feel bad about it...I was really hoping it would. It seemed me and this guy really had a lot in common. But hey, I can't make it work if he isn't willing to put forth any effort and my grandmother use to always say, "Start out how you want to finish." So, I'm waving my white flag of surrender. I'm also going to AR to just do nothing. I say that now, but I'm sure my mom will have plenty of projects for me. I have five books, a case of Diet Dr. Pepper and my notebook. I am going to read, write and get stoned on Dr. Pepper. My kids love it in AR, they can ride their bikes and go to the park, eat watermelon and just be free. I'm really looking forward to it, I really need to get away.

As I look at the calendar, my days are limited. I go back to work on August 1st, so it's time to regroup and start focusing on the new school year. I'm looking forward to getting back to work, each time I visit the library I notice the piles on my desk and all the new books waiting to be cataloged. I guess this week, I'll start getting up and staying up all day. This summer has been one of leisure, sometimes we go to bed at 2:00 am and sleep until 12:00 pm the next day. Heck, I could barely make it in at 10:00 this week to work orientation!

Well, I'm sure once I return from AR I will have plenty of stories. I'm off to do nothing!!!!

The Fat Lady is Singing..

2008-06-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

Those who talk with me periodically know that my children have been in OKC for the past two weeks with their dad. Tomorrow is dday, I pick them up in Alma, Arkansas at 12:30. Am I ready for them...yes. I really missed them, but I know all it's going to take is one argument, fight or whine to make me eat those words. The past two weeks have been quiet and I haven't turned on my stove once to cook a meal. I'm well rested, I've read three books and I've enjoyed staying up late each night to watch Murder, She Wrote and Golden Girls repeats.

This morning, I'm headed to the grocery store because my kids have an unquenchable thirst and a never ending stomach. I look at them and wonder where it's all going because all three of my kids are very slim. I try to teach them to eat in moderation, but my words fall on deaf ears.

I've been trying to figure out how we're going to spend the remainder of our summer. We were going to Milwaukee for a couple of weeks, but gas prices have deferred that trip. I don't want to spend $300 on gas, trying to save for laminate flooring. So, I think we'll do a couple of trips to Memphis. The Pink Palace has the traveling Alpha Kappa Alpha(my sorority) exhibit that is celebrating our centennial. I know DQ and I would enjoy it, LP and LB would probably say their dying of bordedom. I also plan on taking them to the indoor pool park in Tunica. For the 4th of July we're headed to AR. I'm also planning on heading down the following week...my mom is supposed to get Boyz to Men tickets for me!

So as I enjoy my last day of peace of quiet I'll walk around my clean house and just linger at the door of their clean bedroom. I shampooed the carpet, washed bed covers, rearranged furniture, changed the light fixture, organized the closet. Took me two days to give it a thorough cleaning...it will probably be destroyed in less than an hour. Yes, I hear that fat lady singing and she getting louder and louder.

Grow Up Please!

2008-06-10T12:13:00.001-07:00

This afternoon, as I flip through television channels, I stop at BET to watch Mariah Carey's new video, Bye Bye. Although the song is nice, I can't believe how juvenile Carey still is. I mean this woman is 38 (so am I)and she is on stage singing in a denim miniskirt that even my 13 year old wouldn't wear. What is her problem? She has been in the music industry since 1990 and hasn't evolved one bit. In fact, I think her debut album was probably her best because it was a bubblegum and some of her other stuff. I mean when I think of other artists who have been in the industry as long as she has I see growth...Mary J. Blige, Erykah Badu, Toni Braxton, Faith Evans. Not to mention she married Nick Cannon who is 27, not to mention they got married after dating for about two weeks! How juvenile is that?!

I read that she is tired of the dumb blonde image she gets, but if that is what you put out, what do you expect? I mean you say you are not "easy", but then come out with a song titled "Touch My Body" and in all your videos you dress in super short minis with bobby socks and heels...get a clue! I've watched her interview a couple of times and my impression is that she thinks she is God's gift, an absolute diva. She is a very talented singer and she is doing herself and fans a disservice by continuing with the bubblegum stuff...grow up please!

My first week...

2008-06-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

So, I just made it through the first week of summer vacation. Yes, I still have my sanity, although I think I'm going to explode any minute. The week started off pretty smoothly. I let the three stay up late Sunday night and watch tv, so they slept in Monday morning. What a joy to have a few hours of peace and quiet...but it quickly changed once three sets of eyes opened. I swear if I hear, "can we have a snack" one more time, I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown! DQ has been spending the days with her friend JW, so the LP and LB have been enjoying the freedom of watching Alvin and the Chipmunks. They watch it all day long and know all the lines. DQ is spending the weekend with JW, so this afternoon I took LP and LB to see Kung-Fu Panda and now I have two karate kids. I mean they were doing karate all through Wal-Mart and as I write this they have taken on the personality of Tiger and Snake. I have created two monsters.

Next week, I have plans for them. They will be attending Vacation Bible School from Tuesday to Friday from 9:00-12:00! I think it will be good for them, I know it will be good for me!

YES, WE CAN!

2008-06-04T09:41:00.001-07:00

What an historic moment in history for the United States! We have for the first time in history an Afican American running for the President of the United States. When Barack Obama first announced his plans to run for President, I was one who thought it was too soon, but he also picqued my interest and I began to read any and everything I could about him. I first read his autobiography, Dreams of My Father, and was touched by his concern for ordinary folks like me. After graduating from Harvard he could have made the big bucks working for a big name law firm, but he chose to work with inner city Chicago residents. I then started listening to his message, Change, yes, we can. While there were and still are many cynics who don't think our political system is conducive to change, I am one who believes in his vision and hope for our country. Obama speaks of change for ALL people, regardless of race, religion, socioeconomic status, etc. He has not made race an issue during his campaign, but many have jumped on that bandwagon. There are those who simply will not vote for him because he is a Black man. My question is why? What are we so afraid of as a nation? He has the best credentials, but yet because of his race many will not vote for him. This political season has made me re-evaluate myself and the prejudices and stereotypes I've had and were possibly passing down to my children. This should be the time when all people check themselves. As Obama said last night, before were are Republicans and Democrats, we are Americans. I think the same can be said about race.

Many will use the Wright sermons to validate their stance, but remember, 11:00 Sunday morning is the most segregated hour of the week. I'm sure Wright is not the only preacher who has used the pulpit in such a manner. On my last post, I talked about my mother's preacher and the gum issue. My mom has been going to that church for 30 years and have seen preachers come and go. No, she doesn't believe and agree with every word that comes out of their mouths. I think everything should be taken into context. God has given us each a brain and we need to use it! As a county, we need to read and educate ourselves and stop relying on the talking heads to guide our decisions. There are still people who think Obama is a Muslim, I thought the Rev. Wright scandal overshadowed that one. But because we don't educate ourselves, we fail to understand what Islam is all about. Yes, there are a few radical Muslims, but radicals can be found in any religion...Branch Davidians, Pat Roberson (who had his theory of 9/11).

So, as I stand behind Obama, I encourage others to read and educate themselves on the issues. Change, YES WE CAN!

Love Jesus, Hate Church (pt.2)

2008-06-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

For the past few months, I've been attending church regularly. I've been going to The Church of the Harvest in Olive Branch, MS. The paster is Bob Thomas and it is a nondenominational church. I really enjoy the praise and worship. I feel that that is what gets our minds ready to recieve the message for the day. I know I need to praise God. Anyway, Pastor Bob always has an uplifting and inspiring message and just finished a series on faith. I love hearing messages that help me in my daily walk. Well, because I've been in Arkansas for the past two Sundays, I've missed my church. On the 25th I attending Tabernacle Missionary Baptist Church in Dermott and really enjoyed the sermon. Although it is a Baptist church, they believe and teach many of the principles I believe in and I know that Pastor Lattimore is about teaching his members to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and once that is established one can't help but change.

Well yesterday (against my better judgement) I decided to attend St. Peter Missionary Baptist Church in Montrose. I knew that the pastor is very traditional and doesn't believe women should wear pants to church, etc. I didn't feel like driving to Dermott because I would be leaving to return home the same day, but I just felt I needed to go to chuch. I should've stayed at home! I am still upset about what was said. I am a gum chewer, I chew gum at home, at work and church. I don't chew with my mouth open and I think I chew pretty discreetly. Well, apparently it is disrespectful and out of order in the baptist church. The pastor made it a point to discuss this issue after his sermon. He said it is very disrespectful to sit and chew with your mouth open. There was a young lady sitting in front of me and she immediately took her gum out of her mouth. I had taken mine out right before he said anything about it...because I was tired of it. Out of order, disrespectful? There are a lot more things I can think of that is going on in that church that need to be addressed besides gum chewing!! When are we going to realize that souls are more important than traditions and man made rules?! There are people who have no concept of God, but he is going on about gum.

Maybe I had it coming because I wear pants when I go to that church and I even let my children play their video games. I mean, they don't have a children's ministry because they feel it's just "babysitting." Although mine didn't hear anything that was said because they were gaming, I bet none of the other kids knew what happened either...they played hot seat all during service.

Needless to say, I have no plans to visit that church again! My prayer is that I can get over this and move on, but I just get upset whenever I think of the souls and lives that are not being touched/changed because of nitpicky stuff like that.

Love Jesus, Hate Church.

Patience is a Virture (Right?)

2008-05-14T06:35:00.000-07:00

What is going on with Americans these days? Is it me, or does it seem that our patience is getting shorter and shorter? I know we have the drive-thru everything, but what happened to common courtesy? For instance, yesterday I was at the $ Store and was about the third in line, the women at the register bought about $35 worth of merchandise. They were using an EBT card and first had to find it in the purse, then scan it, didn't work the first time, scan it again...had to pay the balance with cash. The total transaction took about five minutes, but you would've thought it was an hour. I could feel the restlessness behind me. People should know by now that when you think you're going to run in and out of a store, that is when the lines are backed up or you get the new cashier. I've learned to give myself plenty of time and just be prepared for whatever comes. So, when it was my turn at the register, I made sure to smile and have a positive attitude. I think the cashier appreciated it.

So, I'm thinking about what has made us so impatient...why are we a society of instant gratification? I mean we want it and we want it now! We have drive-thru everything. Our impatience is growing at an alarming rate...this morning as I dropped DQ off at school there are two lines for the cars and people were constantly switching back and forth, it was nerve wrecking. Let's not even mention road rage.

As I've watched the world around me, I've decided to be a more patient person. I give myself plenty of time to do tasks like grocery shopping, getting from point A to B. I know we are trying to make our days longer by squeezing in as much as we can, but my advice is to SLOW DOWN and enjoy the journey. We are letting the small things take over. The things we think are important probably are not. The older I get the more I realize the value family, friends, enjoying life and just being happy. I find I feel better when I'm relaxed and not rushing around. It feels good to be pleasant to people (especially those in the service sector), they do appreciate kindness and patience. Now don't get me wrong, my quest for patience does not mean that I will be a pushover. There are times when we have to be assertive, but most times we can offer kindness. Being a blessing to others is not always about giving materialistically, but giving of ourselves which includes a smile or a nice word. Think about it...

Finally...

2008-05-13T10:14:00.000-07:00

It's May 13th...finally! If I have to watch another campaign ad from Greg Davis or Travis Childers, I think I'm going to puke! Childers and Davis are running for the congressional seat vacated by Roger Wicker who was tapped to replace Trent Lott. Anyway, the smearfest started way back when and the during the first election, neither won more than 51% of the vote, Childers did win the popular vote by a small margin. This is a big deal because it could determine how things play out in November. There is even an article on CNN.com about the runoff. Go figure!

I've been trying to learn where each stands on the issues because if I had to base my vote on the smearfest, neither would get my vote. According to the Republican National Party, Childers is a liberal endorsed by Obama (as a Democrat, why wouldn't Obama endorse him?), he doesn't pay his taxes, his partner is a convicted felon. According to the Democratic National Party, Davis uses tax payer money to furnish a lavish lifestyle, he raises taxes and he doesn't give a flip about the ederly. Why do we love to hear the dirt, but not the issues?! I refuse to distinguish myself as either a Republican or Democrat, I am an Independent voter who chooses my candidate based on the issues.

So, both candidates describe themselves as conservative...what does that mean exactly. I turned to wikipedia and the only thing it defined was conservatism and it is defined as a term used to describe political philosophies that favor tradition and gradual change, where tradition refers to religious, cultural, or nationally defined beliefs and customs. These men who define themselves as conservative running such negative ads--a major turnoff for me. When you really look at the key issues and where each candidate stands they are really not that much different. They both address some issues that the other doesn't and that is where people should base their decision. While both have issues that I don't feel strongly about, there are a few that will determine who gets my vote.

Let the Countdown Begin

2008-05-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it's May which means the countdown is on! Since I am on a ten month contract, my work year is from August 1st to May 31st. I enjoy having June and July to catch up on reading, housework and television. I also do a little traveling to visit family and friends. This year I have several things on the agenda...I'm joined the library challenge to read and blog about three southern books, the books have to be written by southern authors and set in the south. I think for the first I'm going to re-read Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. I read that book for the first time last summer and just fell in love with it, it is a love story that transcends time. I haven't decided what else to read, but I would like to read and post something by and about African Americans. Not only can I relate better to the story, but I would like to share the experiences of African Americans with others in the read/blog group.

My next project is to redo my bathroom. My house is small and about twenty years old and when I bought it I knew it would require a lot of work/projects. I plan to paint, add new decor and possibly redo the flooring. Eventually, I'd like to remove the carpet from the living area and hallway and I think I will test my "skills" by doing the bathroom. I'm sure there will be a post when I undertake the project.

I also plan on making a road trip to Milwaukee this year. My maternal family reunion will be there this year the weekend of July 11-12. My plan is to go about a week and a half earlier and see some sights and enjoy family prior to the big event. I'm sure the visit will welcome a nice break from this southern heat.

So, today is May 5th and that means I have seventeen working days left! I was suckered into going to the zoo with the Senatobia Elementary Kindergarten students on the 20th...I'm sure as I walk around with DQ and another kid I'll wish I was at work. Anyway, this is the last week of class for our students, so I'm sure we will be busy shelving books and answering questions that deal with typing and printing papers. Once finals are over (May 15th) we lock our doors until summer school and I finish up the last minute cataloging and year-end reports and I'm out the door until August! Yippee!!!!

"I Hate You"

2008-05-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

How many more times will I hear those words from the mouth of DQ? Last night I think I heard them about five times. I am hated because I had to remove her from the cheerleading squad. Because her school only want the best students to represent it in extracurricular activities, it has a demerit system. DQ was told that sixty demerit means dismisal from the squad...DQ has forty and those were accumulated within the time span of two months. The sponsor called with her concerns a few days ago and told me I needed to make a decision before she ordered uniforms and signed up for camp. If I gave DQ the okay and she messed up, then I'd be stuck with a $600-$800 bill to pay...cheering or not. So, as hard as it was, I made the decision to remove her and the realization finally sunk in last night.

She started with sobbing, then quickly escalted to exaggerations of having the meanest mother who doesn't love or like her, of letting her do small things, but not big things, of loving LP and LB more than her, etc. After about an hour of listening to the tantrum, I could take no more and made the mistake of trying to explain that when we make poor decisions we have to suffer the consequences. That backfired and I was informed that I was the one who made the decision to remove her...but was I the one who chose to misbehave at school and accumulate sixty demerits?! I finally had to call her dad and let him listen to her words...he told me he'd call back today and talk to her after she cooled down a bit.

Of course I didn't sleep well last night and this morning I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. I tried to talk to DQ and explain my frustration with her behavior. She has a habit of going through my things, taking whatever she wants...I can't count the number of times I've found my personal items in her possession. I've told her repeatedly not to mess with the stove and whenever I leave her alone she is "creating" recipes. As a 13 year old, I have expectations and it's frustrating when there are not met. I've tried to explain that to her, but it falls on deaf ears. I've also tried to explain that I will not be her "buddy", I am her parent first. It is my responsibility to guide and direct her, all the other is extra. But she has a responsibility also.

My solution to the problem is to let her spend some time with her father. I think she needs to realize the grass ain't always greener on the other side. She needs to step back and perhaps take a look at the sacrifices that are made.

Do they really grow up fast?!

Time flies

2008-04-28T10:17:00.000-07:00

Time really does fly when you're having fun...I can't believe it's been over two months since my last post. Wow, so much has happened in that time. DQ tried out and made the Jr. High cheerleading squad. Exciting...let's just hope I don't have to sell plasma to pay for her uniforms. She also had a birthday, so now it's official...I am the mother of a teenager. I remember when she was a baby, so sweet and innocent. My, how times changes things..now she is a teenager, so rude and annoying.

LP has had a birthday too. She informed me that she wanted to get her ears pierced and so off to Wal-Mart we go. Of course, DQ is telling her how much it's going to hurt. How she knows that is beyond me, considering she was six months old when she got her pierced! LP was great, choosing her next pair of earrings before she got the first...she did cry a little, but thinks she is all that, reminding me daily to put alcohol on them.

LB is in OKC with his dad. He is doing great, still a homebody (much like me) and still laid back. His dad was frustrated with him because he has no interest in doing much, perfectly content on staying home watching tv or playing his video games.

And me, I'm doing okay. Thought I'd made a "love connection" but things just didn't work out. I've never had a guy tell me he was too busy for a relationship. That one has left me pretty much speechless, but I figure, it's his loss. So, to occupy my time, I've been reading. I am leading the reading roundtable discussion on April 29th, My Sister's Keeper is the book. Wonderful read! It doesn't end well, but sometimes those make the best stories, everything doesn't have to have a happy ending. Also read Tavis Smiley's memoir, What I Know For Sure. I was really disappointed. I was impressed by his determination, his faith and his family, but I wanted some dirt. I wanted to gag sometimes, he never does anything wrong. Amazing! I'm also reviewing a children's book for Mississippi Libraries, My Best Friend. It's cute and I think LP will enjoy it. And of course, I have about three books in my TBR pile.

Well, hopefully I will be able to post a little more often. School is winding down and things have been happening in my life that deserve to be written about...I'm back!!!!

Why I Love the Three Doctors

2008-02-18T06:24:00.000-08:00

I'm currently reading The Bond: Three Young Men Learn to Forgive and Reconnect with Their Fathers by Drs. Sampson Davis, George Jenkins and Rameck Hunt and my admiration for these three men has grown tremendously. The three doctors are friends who grew up on the mean streets of Newark, New Jersey and made a pact while still in high school to graduate and pursue careers as doctors. Although times were tough and circumstances could've caused them to quit, their friendship and pact made them persevere and they made it. Two are medical doctors and one is a dentist. They tell the story of how the pact was made and their experiences of medical school in their first book titled, The Pact: Three Young Men Make a Promise to Fulfill a Dream. While working in OKC as a cataloger, I came across this book, read their story and immediately fell in love with their strength and desire to help all children who grow up without a dream. They have also written, We Beat the Streets: How a friendship Pact Led to Success that is geared toward the younger generation. I encourage all to read their story and become inspired as I was.

The Bond is not a unique story in inner city neighborhoods, all three doctors grew up pretty much fatherless. Their story is unique in that they tell their stories and have their father tell theirs as well. Each doctor explains how growing up without a father affected their lives. How they wished they had someone there to support their dreams, take them to extracurricular activities, teach them the facts of life. As you read each story, you'll notice that they all had mentors and examples of strong men in their life, but some of the bad choices they made could have been avoided if their fathers were involved. Sampson explains that just because a father is physically present in the home means nothing. If he is not contributing the development and well being of his children, he might as well be absent. I totally agree, to many times we applaud men for just being there, but they have a responsibility as well as the mother. I know if it had not been for my dad's strong belief in discipline, I probably would not be where I am today. I thank my dad for teaching me to work, save and the ability to take care of myself.
Once Sampson, George and Rameck tell their story, we get to hear their father's point of view. I think so many times we allow our circumstances to dictact our actions or who we become and I feel that is what happened to the fathers of these young men.

I loved the three doctors prior to reading this book because of their vision and dedication to helping the next generations. After reading this book my admiration has grown and they have convinced me to do what I can to make sure all children have a chance. After the fathers tell their story, the three doctors give examples of men that they know who are reversing the cycle and stepping up to the plate to be strong fathers. It is so refreshing to read their words of forgiveness and be reminded that we can make a difference.

Why I Love (and hate) the Grammys...

2008-02-11T10:05:00.000-08:00

I really did attempt to sidetrack the Grammys this year, but with football over and a previously viewed episode of Perry Mason on the Hallmark channel, I ended up watching bits and pieces. The opening act of Alicia Keys and Frank Sinatra was pretty interesting. Everyone knows I'm a big A. Keys fans, so I watched and listened and my fondness for her remains strong eventhough her hair looked like it was spiked and she had on a ton of makeup. But when she won for No One I was cheering for her and when she performed the same song, I was up dancing and jumping...

I'll steal from Sandra Rose (http://sandrarose.com/) and list my good, bad and ugly moments, but mine will not be as detailed and thorough because I didn't make it through the entire show.

The Good:

The Alicia Keys performances and win with best R&B female performance of No One.

Watching Prince present the award to Alicia Keys. He hasn't aged one bit, still as sexy as ever!

The Beyonce/Tina Turner performance. Tina has got be about 70, but she stills moves well and looks great (okay, I know they have on tons of makeup)

Carrie Underwood's performance. I thought she was a bit nervous, but she can sing and I love the song, even if it is country music.

The Time/Rhianna performance. Before I knew it, I was up dancing to Jungle Love.

The Kanye West performance. Okay, I am NOT a West fan, but the Mama song made my heart go out to him.

The Fergie/John Legend performance. I like both of them, both are truly gifted and talented.

The Bad:

I must agree with Sandra Rose on the Nas/Kelis nigger fashions. Nas is about to be a has been, Kelis barely made a blip on the screen, so I agree they are begging for attention.

Amy Winehouse, what is all the hype about? To me, she is a drug addict and I think the music industy is WRONG in lavishing her with so much attention. Didn't she have to be escorted from a rehab facility to perform via satellite? What kind of message are we sending to our children?!

The Beatles tribute, I ended up channel surfing on that one.

The Ugly:

Amy Winehouse, someone please tell her that black eyeshadow has to go! Please come up with another fashion statement!

Nelly Furtado, the blonde short cut has to go. Eventhough they announced her when she came on stage, I was like, Who is that?!

Aretha Franklin, one of my favorites. But someone please tell her that she should stay away from strapless dresses.

So, as you can tell, I was thoroughly entertained by what I did watch.

Why I Love My Friend T

2008-02-07T07:32:00.000-08:00

Those close to me or readers of my blog know that I was subscribed to an online dating service. That lasted for about four months and in that time I've met some interested men from all over the United States. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of single Black men because the media portrays them to be either on drugs, selling drugs, deadbeat dads, gay or just scrubs (worthless). When I think of the men I have met and chatted with, one special person comes to mind, I like to call him T.

T is special because I can and have talked to him about any and everything. During our first conversation I remember him asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up (and don't say princess) and I was like, no man has EVER asked me that before. It was then that I knew he was different and someone I wanted to get to know better. We chatted for a while via email and our first telephone conversation was full of laughs. Our first face to face meeting was at Friday's and we did more laughing and set our next date. A few weeks later, he was my date at a friend's party in AR and although it was an 1 1/2 drive, the drives to and from didn't seem long at all. We talked about everything from BET personalities to music ; from food/restaurants to movies. T is THE movie guy and has probably seen everything on film. In fact, on the drive home I told him that I hadn't seen the Denzel movie Man on Fire and he was so upset that he told me to stop the car and let him out! He has even threatened to come to my house and strap me to the couch to force me to watch movies all day.

I really enjoy talking to T and whenever we talk, we always lose track of time. Whenever I need information on anything, I call him. He is such a well rounded person. I call him my friend because he is more than an acquaintance, he is someone I miss if I've not talked to him for a few days. I value his opinion and he knows how to agree to disagree, doesn't take things too seriously and puts up with my rants and raves.

So as I end my "Why I love" series, I wanted to express my thanks to T for being my friend.

Why I Love Being a [Black] Woman

2008-01-14T13:03:00.001-08:00

I started a new book, Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America by Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden. It discusses the multiple roles black women have to play in society. This book started as a research project to find out how we deal with and handle those roles. Although I just started, I know this will be a page turner for me. To start, the authors define what it means to shift. Shifting defines how we transform from one role to the other. I think we all do it, whether black or white, male or female. But black women have an added dimension because it is often said we have two strikes: being black and female. I remember the book, The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison where the main character wishes she had blues eyes and blond hair and wonder if that is the dream of many little Black girls. I can't relate to that story because I never once had that dream. I've always been proud of who I am and where I came from and try to teach my children the same.

When I think about why that is so, my first thought is that I love being a woman! Sure I complain about the monthly visitor and the pains of childbirth, but I feel so blessed and fortunate to have given birth, a giver of life. I have always embraced my femininity and wonder why being masculine is the in thing for teen girls now. I often have to do a double take while at work, girls with the sagging pants (as if not bad enough on the boys), hats, big boots or tennis shoes. I try not to judge, but good grief...I love to pamper myself. I know some men who pamper themselves with weekly haircuts and shaves, manicures and pedicures, but I love the fact that I don't have to explain my self love.

Being a Black woman is a challenge, but a welcome one for me. I hate the stereotypes, but some are justified. Yes, we have an attitude, but we've had to fight for everything...our freedom, our children, our families, our lives! We are strong and we are survivors. As I think of the women in my family, I see so much diversity...some are meek, some are aggressive, some are homemakers, some are pace setters, some are spiritual, but whatever they are and do, they are fantastic at it.

Black women come in so many shades and sizes...from Halle Berry to Mo'Nique ; from Carol Mosely Braun to Michelle Obama ; from Angie Stone to Beyonce. We are everywhere and our presence is known and felt. Like our brothas, we are loved yet feared. We are trendsetters...from our cornrows to our afros ; from our hip huggers to our stilettos. People stare, but often try to imitate. We don't care what people think of our style, because it's just that...ours!

Why I Love...Alicia Keys

2007-11-26T06:20:00.000-08:00

One day I get in my car and turn on the radio and there is a song playing that I've never heard before. I enjoyed the beat, the music and the amazing voice. I thought it sounded like Alicia Keys but I wasn't sure and when the dj announced that it was Alicia Keys and her new joint, I thought to myself, "I should've known." I am a die hard Alicia Keys fan. Her second CD, The Diary of Alicia Keys sealed it for me. I thought it was one the best and I still pop it in my player from time to time. Her creativity is ongoing and her piano skills are amazing.

So, when I heard the first single from her third CD, I fell in love with it instantly and headed home to download on my MP3 player. I then did a bit of research to find out the release date of the CD, so I could make a beeline to Wal-Mart. November 13th, I was there with my copy in hand and I was like a kid in a candy store as I anticipated rushing to car to open it and pop it in the player. Alicia opens every CD with a piano melody and this one was no different. Because I only live five minutes from Wal-Mart, I went straight to track 4 and sang all the way home. When I got home I decided to listen to it in its entirety while I did some cleaning. I danced, bobbed my head as I agreed and identfied with the words. I also decided on my favorites, tracks 2,3,4,6,10 and 13.

Track 2(Go Ahead) speaks of broken promises and finally realizing that the person you thought you loved is not the person he claims to be. Track 3 (Superwoman) gives homage to all the strong women, and being a strong women it speaks to and encourages me to keep on going. Track 4(No One) explains why the love is so strong that no one will ever come between the two. Track 6 (Lesson Learned)explains that when we make mistakes we should use them as learning experiences. Imagaine that! Track 10 (I Need You) telling someone that the love felt is genuine and uses analogies as examples of the need for the other person. Track 12 (Tell You Something) giving another person their flowers while they are still alive. Life is too short to NOT tell someone how you feel about them.

I love Alicia for her creativity. She is also an example of someone who actually knows and loves music. She is a wonderful pianist and a positive role model for teenage girls. She uses her celebrity for AIDS awareness and I can listen to her with my girls. As a testament to her creativity, she rarely speaks of sex. She has more important issues to write and sing about. I encourage all to go out and purchase this CD!

Why I Love...Being a [Black] Woman

2007-11-16T13:07:00.000-08:00

Why I Love...Being a Librarian

2007-11-05T10:03:00.000-08:00

Webster defines librarian as a specialist in the care or management of a library. Pretty vague huh? It defines libary as a place in which literary, musical, artistic, or reference materials are kept for use but not for sale. Most people define librarian as a person who loves to read, wears her hair back in a bun, wears glasses and walks around with her finger over her mouth to keep everyone quiet. The most common reaction I get when I tell people I'm a librarian is, "you like to read, don't you?" Yes, I love to read, but that was a trait long before I became a librarian.

I define my job as a librarian as the liason between information and the person who needs it, I am a teacher, a motivator and an advisor. My career began in a small public library in Arkansas where I served as the library manager, reference clerk, circulation clerk, public relations specialist and janitor. It was there I learned that I was just a paraprofessional and that to be a librarian I needed a graduate degree in library and information services/studies. It was there I fell in love with my work in the library and I knew this was the career for me. I always wanted to be a teacher, but once didn't want the stress or the meager salary. I would later learn that librarians don't fair much better in the salary department.:)

So when I moved to Oklahoma City, I immediately began thinking about applying to graduate school at OU. It took three years, but I earned my MLIS and am now an offical librarian! Thankfully, I toughed it out because when I began to look for jobs out of state I met the requirement of having my MLIS from an accredited university. I am now employed at the wonderful Northwest Mississippi Community College. I am part of the faculty, so I have the opportunity to teach students how to use the library and its resources. Although some of students sit through the classes with their eyes glazed over, there are some who are genuinely interested and that makes it worthwhile.

Being a libarian has exposed me to all types of information. I am the cataloger for NWCC and that means every book that is added to our collection comes across my desk. I have learned so much in this capacity and things I would have never known or heard of, I have because of my chosen profession. Teaching classes keeps me grounded, not everyone thinks highly of the library. Helping students keeps me enlightened. I have the opportunity to learn their frustrations with using our resources. Choosing material for the library keeps me informed, there is actually a book about this?! :)

So to all of you who think libraries are quiet and librarians are books worm I beg to differ. We are as diverse as our collections and the communities we serve.

Why I Love Hip Hop

2007-10-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

Wednesday I watched the BET Hip Hop Awards and was impressed by what I saw. Performances were tasteful, awards were well deserved and it was only two hours. Interspered between the performances and awards, well known figures in the hip hop world and Black America gave monologues on why they love hip hop. Most memorable were MC Lyte and Michael Eric Dyson. These two challenged the emerging leaders to be responsible and give back. Gave young Black women advice on demanding respect with our voices and dollars. The awards show made me think about why I love hip hop, so here goes.

I was ten years old when the Sugarhill Gang recorded Rapper's Delight and I knew every word to that song. Then came Kurtis Blow, Whodini, Run DMC., and LL Cool J. and hip hop entered the mainstream. Back then lyrics were simple and somewhat comical. Afterall, Kurtis Blow talked about basketball, Whodini talked about friends and Run DMC set the trend for wearing unlaced Adidas. And who could forget LL's first rap ballard, I Need Love?! Hip hop was new, artists were expressing themselves in a new way and as a teen I loved it as much as the next person.

During my teen years, hip hop began to see the rise of subgenres. We had the political Public Enemy, KRS-One and Afrika Bambaataa, they urged us to fight the power and to stop the violence. Then NWA came out with what would ultimately define hip hop...gangster rap. Hip hop has been in the hot seat for quite some time, but the Don Imus incident intensified it and really brought it to the mainstream. It was time for the artists to take responsibility for the ruckus they helped create. And of course, they weren't going to take the blame for telling their side of the story.

In my quest to understand hip hop and this obsession with it, I began reading everything I could get my hands on and after reading arguments from both sides of the story, I have a newfound love and respect for hip hop and what it stands for. I may not agree with what they say and how it's said, but we cannot deny them the right to say it. As I began to read and listen to these artists, I realized what they say is no worse than what Ozzy Osbourne, Kiss and other rock bands promoted and sang of back in the day.

I caught an episode of Hip Hop vs. America on BET and realized these people are human and are only rapping and talking about life as they see it. I listened as these artists explained that many times the words they choose are out of frustration. They underscored the fact that all songs can't be happy go lucky because in their world, those days are far and few between.

So, I love hip hop for a variety of reasons. I love hip hop because you grew up with me, you express lifeas you see it...sometimes the truth hurts. I love hip hop because you set trends and have the power to change lives. You employ many, you inspire millions.

Books I read on the subject:

Beat, Rhymes, Life edited by Kenji Jasper and Ytasha Womack.

Third Coast by Roni Sarig.

Pimps Up, Hoes Down by T. Sharpley-Whiting.

When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost by Joan Morgan.

Ghettonation by Cora Daniels.

Also take a look at Hip Hop versus America on BET.

Why I Love Being a Mother...

2007-10-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I complain about my kids, but the truth is that I love them dearly and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I can't count the number of sacrifices that have made to make sure they have what they need. I can't count the number of sleepless nights I have endured to sit up and watch sick child. I can't remember a night when I haven't at least one of three in bed with me. Yes, it's true, a mother's love has no boundaries. Motherhood brings with it many frustrations, but I wouldn't trade the experiences and unconditional love for anything. Each of my three have their own personalities and traits that I love. Let me elaborate...

DQ: Has the strongest personality of the three. Her personality can be considered a blessing and a curse. I love the fact that she expresses herself so strongly. She is creative and some of her writings have blown me away. I've tried to encourage her to channel some of frustrations positively by writing. DQ loves to be around people and this has caused us to clash some because I'm the opposite. I try hard to understand her desire to be with the in crowd and why peer opinions are so important to her. I never was part of a clique, I just wandered from crowd to crowd during my junior and high school years. So I've had to explain to her that I trust her judgement in choosing good friends. DQ's personality is just like her dad's and his family, so when she came out in her winter coat this morning, I laughed until I cried. I then made her find a light jacket, it was cool, and she was dressed like it was twenty below. She is tall and slim and wears her clothes well. I can't remember when I wore a size zero. She is smart as a whip and I know she will eventually find her way.

LB: He is the most laid back kid I know. He just goes with the flow and hardly ever gets upset. He is patient and if I tell him to wait for something, he usually does. He can make a friend anywhere and will play with anyone. He is 100% boy and sometimes dealing with those traits is maddening. He loves his baby sister to death, it is the older one that he despises. I'm sure time will bring the two closer. He is with his dad now, and LP and I miss him so much! The first week after he left, DQ walked around in a daze and when we went to visit him, she followed him everywhere. She even sat on the bathtub as he was trying to bathe and he said, "it's okay, she can stay." He loves making good grades and is continually on the honor roll. He has the same third grade teacher that DQ had, and I'm sure Mrs. B notices the difference.

LP: Spoiled rotten. This came from a combination of folks...mom, dad, papa, big brother. LP is cute as a button and knows how to work her cute. She gotten everything from free biscuits @ KFC to free sodas at Taco Bell! Her personalty varies, depending on who she is around. So now I'm dealing with DQ, Jr. Her tantrums have ranged from not wanting cereal for breakfast to she is the only one who cleans up her room. This has led to a few rounds from the two of us. I refuse to go there with a five year old. But for the most part, LP is my little princess. She is the most loving child I have and often is in my space when I'm laying down or sitting on the couch. She sleeps with me most nights and I have to wake up a few times to pry her off of my back. She started school and it was a major adjustment. She had been going to our campus based center and basically got her way. Not only is Kindergarten a bit more structured, she has to deal with 23 others instead of 9 others. The first month was tough, but I see a major improvement. She is learning so much and it's a joy to watch her practice what she's learned and teach her stuffed animals their letters and numbers.

Yes, being a mother is rewarding. I've heard people say the time flies, but it really isn't going fast for me, I guess because I have learned to take it a day at a time, not rush their growth and developement and just enjoy the time I have with them. I'm sure in a couple of weeks, I'll post another confessions entry.

Why I Love...

2007-10-08T13:11:00.000-07:00

About three years ago I read Why I Love Black Women by Michael Eric Dyson and in it he described the qualities black women possess that have caused him to have much respect. He described the qualities by using specific women to paint his picture. He spoke of Angela Davis, Maxine Waters and Kimberly Williams Crenshaw, some well known, some not. He does a wonderful job of taking their attributes and merging them into all Black women. A very good read, makes me proud to be a Black women, as I see myself in so many of the women in which he spoke.

It is in the spirit that my next few entries will be on Why I Love... My first will describe Why I Love Black Men.

When I first heard Angie Stone's Brotha, I fell in love with the lyrics. Her first verse,
"He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands
Everything I go through and everything I am
That's my support system, I can't live without him
The best thing since sliced bread,
Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch"

Man that describes what I feel! The second verse describes that often Black men are misunderstood and they are just trying to make it, like everyone else on this planet. I applaud Angie for recording such a marvelous song, especially when so many try to bring the Black man down. I think I'll elaborate a bit further on why that first verse speaks to me.

He is my King, my father is a Brotha. He is a strong man who despite many obstacles made it and perservered. I've never heard him complain once about the hand that he was dealt. He is a hard worker and has done whatever it takes to [legally] provide for his family. That is why I never bought into the myth that Black men are lazy, don't provide for their families and are materialistic. My dad taught me the meaning of hard work and that no one owes me anything.

He is my son. My son...mothers have always had a special bond with sons. For Black women it's even stronger because we know how hostile this world is to our babies. My heart went out to the mothers of the Jena 6 because that is one of my biggest fears. LB will be nine Friday and I just pray things will be better, but that's what many have prayed for the last hundred years. That is the main reason why I prefer for him to be with his dad...guidance and support. I understand what he will go through, but I don't know if I'd be able to guide him through it.

I think the rest of the verse speaks for itself. I mean who better to understand a person than someone who has lived it and is currently living it? The Black man...loved, feared, envied, hated, desired.

I love your strength, you make it despite the many obstacles faced in your way. I love your style, you have set and continue to set trends. I love your swagger, no matter what life hands you, you keep your head up. I love your hair...from the afros, the fades to the locs and the shiny heads. I love the many hues...caramel, chocolate, cocoa, peanut butter. I love your versatality...from the boardroom to the backyard barbeque, keeping it real. Yes, Angie, there is nothing better than his kiss, his hugs, his full lips and his touch. I, too, want the whole world to know that he's my black brotha and I love ya!

EBM...myth or reality?

2007-10-03T16:05:00.001-07:00

So for those of you who read my cluck, cluck entry you know that there is a theory that there is a shortage of good Black men, described as the endangered black man, hence EBM. Joan Morgan the author of When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost doesn't think so and neither do I. Maybe it's something that someone invented so that women will lower their standards and just put up with any old crap. I'm new to this area and for a while I was beginning to think that maybe something was wrong with me because I didn't even get a second look from the men around, let alone a "hey baby, are you married?" But after talking with a few people and some of the guys from back home, I've learned the perhaps the problem isn't with me. For instance, one guy told me that if he saw me out with my kids he would assume that I was married or involved and for that reason would not approach me. Okay, that made me feel a tad bit better. Another suggestion was that maybe I intimidate men because all men need to feel like they are needed, afterall, I was reminded, I have a good job, a house and a car. Is there any need for a man? To that I said that if men feel that way, then they are truly twisted.

So I did what any normal person would do...I went to the online personals. My first stop was Yahoo and there are all types of weirdos on there, but I did meet some interesting men. In fact, I still talk to a couple of them. I got frustrated because several never responded to messages and I felt like I was wasting my money. Stop 2 was and still is blackpeoplemeet.com. Now this is where the fun is, I'm having great email conversations with people from all over the U.S. In fact, I've again realized that the world really is small. Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point talks about how closely we're all connected, and I've found that out to be true. One guy lives in Seattle, but is from Greenville, MS (about 30 minutes from my hometown.) Another guy lives in Houston but travels to Atlanta and Birmingham yearly and goes through El Dorado, AR. But I digress, this site is proof that there are still good BLACK men out there. I signed up for this site Monday and as of today, I've had over 200 profile views and I have 85 messages. Granted some of them are scrubs, but for the most part, I think they are good, honest, hardworking men. Even I was surprised with the number of single, never married, no kids 30 somethings. I love reading through the profiles and what these guys look for in a woman, some comments are too deep (even for me), some are amusing and some make you question their sanity. Anyway, I'm just looking for someone to talk to and just have fun and so far so good.

Cluck, cluck

2007-10-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

Finished readingWhen Chickenheads Come Home to Roost by Joan Morgan about a week ago and I can honestly say, it is one of the best books I've read. Morgan wrote the book in 1999 and considered herself a feminist, her words are timeless and I only wish I'd read it when it was first published. I know, many are asking what is a chickenhead? Until I was enlightened by Morgan, my definition was a woman who will do anything to get and keep a man, often degrading herself with her "ghettoness." Morgan's definition also included women who sole purpose in life is to live off of a man (hers and/or someone else's). We all know a chickenhead, her life revolves around her and her appearance, IF she works, it's a retail store and then, only two or three hours a day. She doesn't have much going on inside her head and is basically an airhead. It seems it is what many Black men want...a trophy.

My reasons for loving this book go way beyond learning the definition of chickenhead, this book defines what it means to be an African American feminist. We all know race is a major factor in America, so it should be no surprise that the feminist movement did nothing to help promote Black women's cause. We have to deal with issues unique to our culture. Morgan writes about not wanting to be the "strong Black woman" anymore. It is this that has and continues to kill the spirit and existence of Black women. Black women have always had to hold it together...ourselves, our families, our communities, our churches and our men. As a race, it is a form of betrayal to speak negatively about another. I mean look at how we defend the OJs, R. Kellys and Mike Tysons. We wear the SBW badge as an honor when the truth is that we need to give it up and let the men take the responsibility that they spoke of during the Million Man March. We don't have to be strong to be strong!

Morgan also adresses the EBM (endangered Black men)theory. She has wondered why so many Black women lower their standards and even think they can change a man, oh yeah, it's because we've bought into the theory that most Black men are either on drugs, selling drugs, locked up or have too many baby mamas. I, along with Morgan, refuse to believe the hype. I think that comes from life experiences and maturity. When I was younger, I did lower my expectations and it caused much heartbreak and heartache. As I've gotten older, I've realized the "Secret", the law of attrativeness and the aura we put out is what we get back. Morgan also interviewed men who said that although chickenheads are what they currently have, they are NOT who they would marry. They claim they want a wife who is not shallow and have objectives and goals in life. So, I guess we have to wait for them to grow up and get rid of the chickenheads.

Confessions of a Single Mother (pt.3)

2007-09-26T12:29:00.001-07:00

Forgive me Father, for I have had thoughts of hurting my children and ex husband. It's been four months since my last confession. One would think since LB is back in OKC with his dad life would be a bit more relaxed in our home. This has not been the case and it seems life has gotten more hectic and stressful. I have a few theories of why this may be (1) LP started Kindergarten and refuses to take a nap and spends most of the evening whining over small things ; (2) LP misses her brother and expects me to play with her ;(3) DQ is now in junior high school and thinks she knows everything ;(4) DQ is obsessed with her hair and clothes (5) DQ's friend comes over every morning and afternoon. Okay, there are more than a few and I could go on, but I think you get the picture. I won't even get into the details of my nonexistent personal life. I still talk to the two prospects I had a few months ago, but the sizzle is now a fizzle. I've realized that I'm dealing with EBM (endangered Black men) according to Joan Morgan in When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost. More of that to come at a later date.

So, in my quest to be a responsible parent, I try to talk to their father about their behavior. We both agree that if LP continues to talk in school and refuse to take a nap, she will have to be punished. I just take away a few priviledges (as of 9/25/07, she has been doing great). The thundering and lightning came with the discussion of DQ. DQ has a problem staying focused, doing and turning in her homework and loves anything urban and contemporary. It was not until I threatened to make her ride the bus to school that she started dressing in a timely manner. The battle now is getting her to sit still to study. I've been told that you can't study math. Although I've explained several times that studying math is basically practicing and working problems, she refuses to believe me, but this is one battle that I will fight. Anyway, I try to explain my frustration to their dad and he comes back with, "You need to discipline her and limit her interactions with JW." And just how am I supposed to do that? JW and her parents moved here and they don't know or interact with a lot of people, so their options are limited and since I'm at home when they get off the school bus I don't mind watching her until her mother can pick her up. I tried to explain that JW is not the problem, DQ is, but he thinks I need to isolate her from the world. I tried to explain to him that he is living in a dream world if he thinks isolating her is the solution. Afterall, she spends seven hours a day at school around other kids. I live in reality and I talk to DQ about everything. I tried to explain that kids today have so much more to deal with and are exposed to life earlier. He refused to acknowledge that and said things are no different now than when we were teens. He basically told me I need to beat her and lock her in the house. I didn't remind him that that is what his sister did with her daughter and as soon as she turned 18, she went wild. It took her three years to find herself and she is currently in the Air Force crying about how she wants out. So I just hung up on him instead and spent the rest of the afternoon steaming mad. I also made a new pledge to not discuss DQ's teen behavior with him, because of helping he only adds to my frustration and blames me. I remembered a few years ago that we had a similiar disagreement when I decided it was time to teach DQ the facts of life. I found a book at the library with pictures and slang terms and when he saw it, he flipped. How dare I give her such graphic material and I tried to explain that she needs to know because boys (and girls) are getting smarter at the cons used to lure innocent parties. I want her to know the facts...yes, you can get pregnant the first time ; yes, you can get pregnant using the rhythm method ; there are other names for body parts and fluids...please be aware. Ignorance is not bliss!

So after a few days, I calmed down and bit, but I still think there is a balance that can be reached with it comes to our parenting styles. Yes, I know I need to set boundaries and I try really hard, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to deal with issues right then. I just remember something my aunt said, my kids did not come with an instruction manual and no, I did not have practice. I just do the best I can, teach them and trust them to make the right decisions.

Jena, La...Jena, Anywhere, USA

2007-09-21T07:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, I had my black on yesterday, but I added red to my outfit to represent the blood that has been and continues to be shed due to racism. When I first heard about the six young men I thought the punishment was a bit excessive and the more I learn I know it is a bit much. For those who think that race relations have gotten better, this is a perfect example of how flawed our legal/justice system actually is. For those who think that things like this only happen in the South, I beg to differ, this can happen anywhere. I've heard stories from people all over the U.S. who encounter racism daily.

I think what saddens me most is that the people of Jena think they don't have a race problem. First of all, because of the protest yesterday, all businesses, schools and government agencies closed and most of the residents left town. Why? That in itself speaks volumes. Second, if you are not the recipient of racism, you would not realize there's a problem. I think certain actions and thought patterns are so ingrained in most of us that we don't realize that our actions and thoughts are biased and prejudiced. Third, the origins of the assault stem from subtle actions that just boiled over. For those who think that the noose incident was a prank, read a book on lynchings such as Lynchings in Mississippi: A History, 1865-1965 by Julius E. Thompson. Those nooses were hung to intimidate other students, plain and simple. If something had been done about that incident, I guarantee things would not have gotten this far. I don't condone what the six young men did, but I can understand why...each kick represented years of mistreatment and injustice for African Americans.

I'm not a fan of Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson, but I think they've done an excellent job as leaders in the protest of the treatment of the Jena 6. For those who don't know what has happened or have only "heard" stories, read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jena_Six

Party, Harty!

2007-09-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

I made it back from Arkansas in one piece. I must admit I had a few reasons why I wanted to go. The most important being to check on my mom and help her do some things around the house. She had been released from the hospital that morning and was resting when we got there. I did a few things around the house, but her number one priority was getting her computer connected to the internet. She was ready to do some surfing. I finally got her hooked up and she sent a message to everyone to let them know she was online.

The second reason I was headed to AR was for a party. Some friends that I grew up with live in Seattle, but their parents live in AR and they were planning a surprise birthday party for their dad who was 80 on September 15th. He and his wife have five children (all of whom live in Seattle), he also has an older son and two daughters with my aunt. One of his daughters is married to my cousin, so I'm very connected to this family and have been saving the date for a few months. Seven of his children and most of his grandchildren were there, so it was great to see people I hadn't seen in years. I saw my cousins who moved to Seattle when they were kids, now one is about to graduate from college, the other is fifteen, one lives in Dallas and on and on.

After I made sure my mom was okay and the girls were in bed watching tv I went to visit, reminisce and of course, play cards. We were up until 1:30 am, but we had a blast. We were entertained by their oldest brother and his son. I laughed until my face hurt and was wide awake when I made it to my mom's. Well, so were the girls, watching tv and making iced frappocinos. I made them go to bed because we had to get up and take my mom to Wal-Mart.

After making it back from Wal-Mart, I took a short nap and started getting ready for the big event...the surprise party. First I got the girls dressed, Kara was so excited, she could hardly wait to say "Surprise!" The party was very nice, it started with the "surprise", then we had a buffet style dinner, followed by words from any who wanted and the family recognized three individuals who have helped make sure their parents were taken care of. While everyone visited and talked, we moved tables and chairs to set up the dance floor. There was a dj and he played everything from 1960 to present day. We preferred the line dance music and even I had to get out there and do the Cupid Shuffle. It was fun to watch everyone else and there were few folks who never left the dance floor. I did enjoy one more dance as the nephew pulled me out to dance to one of my favorite songs, Bartender by T-Pain. Even after the doors were locked, we mingled around and talked, not wanting the night to end.

Sunday was the barbeque, but I had to leave. I went by on my way home and of course once I got there I lost track of time and finally left at 5:30, making it home at 8:30. I knew once the "high" were off, I would end up dragging around. When I got home yesterday, I cooked, ironed, did LP's hair and quickly as possible...my goal was to be in bed by 8:30. I was in bed by 8:00 and as I tried to read a few pages of my book, I found myself dozing. I finally gave up and put the book down. This morning I feel refreshed, but everytime I hear Bartender I smile.

Another Bought Lesson

2007-09-13T12:41:00.000-07:00

The buyer this time...my mother. A few weeks ago while visiting my parents, I noticed that my mom had this horrible cough. I asked her about it and she said her Doctor had prescribed antibiotics, but she just couldn't shake it. She said it was a dry cough and once she started, she coughed for it seemed like ten to fifteen minutes. I told she needed to go back to the Dr. Russell and have him do xrays. Two weeks passed and everytime I called I would ask her if she'd been to see Dr. Russell. Of course she hadn't, but she was still coughing and now her energy level had plummeted. She also said she was breating and wheezing just like my grandfather was on the night of his death. So when I talked to her the past Sunday, she said she was planning to go the next day. Of course I called to find out if she'd been and she told me that Dr. Russell was out and she was going the next day. While on my break my mom called and left a message, "Call me on my cell phone when you get a chance." So when I called her I told her that I knew she was in the hospital and she sounded surprised. I informed her that (1) I knew something was serious by the way she was coughing and (2) she left instructions to call her on her cell phone. Anyone who knows my mom knows she never wants anyone to call her during the peak hours on her cell, she tries to conserve her anytime minutes for emergencies.

She said yes, Dr. Russell told her she had to stay because her oxygen level was low, her blood pressure was up and she had a lot of fluid. Her diagnosis...congestive heart failure. This is the second time in the past ten years my mom has been hospitalized with this condition. I think this time will be her wake up call to start eating and exercising. She has lost fifteen pounds since being admitted, a lot of fluid. She is to be released Friday morning, so I'm packing up tonight, so I can help out around the house. She said her house is a wreck, but Richard Carson has told us not to sweat the small stuff and believe me in the grand scheme of things, a junky house is small.

It is times like this that I'm glad I'm only three hours from my parents. I told my sister not to worry about trying to to to AR. She is seven hours aways, just started a new job and has a family to tend to, so this is where I can pick up the slack and drive down to take care of our parents. Plus, there is a party I want to go to Saturday night!

A Clever Marketing Scheme

2007-09-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most who read my blog know that lately I've been going through this hip-hop thing. I try to keep up with the artists in this genre, but it changes on a daily basis, with some of the best being overshadowed with the ones who are just commercialized. Case in point...the 50 Cent, Kanye West feud. I don't really think it's a feud. For people who think the media is not feeding the hype and negativity that surrounds hip-hop, this is the perfect example. Both artists released their new cds on September 11, 2007. 50 was quoted as saying, "If Kanye sells more cds than me, I will retire from rapping." For those who have followed Fiddy's career, we know that he will do and say anything to generate buzz for his upcoming projects. People, it's all a publicity stunt, but by the time the media has put its spin on it, it becomes "a beef."

Yesterday I watched some of BET's 106 & Park, where they had both artists perform and talk about their latest releases. BET has promoted this to their advantage, making it look like they're the mediator between the two artists. Everyone wants to cash in. To open the show, ESPN's Stuart Scott gave stats and info about each. Fiddy came out first and performed and then talked about how he says things to help promote his projects. I hope those who watched learned that artists will say and do anything to make money. Fiddy is worth an estimated 400 million dollars and Kanye is not far behind. Kanye came out and talked about his gift and how he is bascially a musical genius, give me a break! I do think he has an unique way of making his points...a grown man having tantrums. Grow up and use your "gift" to reach our youth.

A bought lesson

2007-09-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

I should've known it was too good to be true. Yesterday DQ got up, got dressed, brushed her teeth and washed her face without my constant reminders. We actually made it out of the house at a normal pace, instead of all of the frantic rushing. It was a good day. That is, until 3:45 when they stepped off the school bus. I had sloppy joes waiting, so all they had to do was sit and eat. I told her and her friend, JW, to eat and when they finished, to start on homework. DQ stated that she'd done her homework at school, but I told her she needed to work on something. She asked if she could use the computer for her Career Discovery project and I told her to wait until later. So, she proceeded with her usual daily stuff, talking on the phone, doing her hair, sorting through clothes, and watching tv. She comes out of her room at 8:00 to ask to use the computer to finish her project...it's due Wednesday. So, you all know what a holiday on Monday did to my brain, I'm thinking okay, let's work on it tomorrow and she quickly reminded me that tomorrow is Wednesday. I was so upset, I asked her why she spent the entire evening goofing off when she knew she had homework, all I get is a shrug, which really set me in motion to "talk" for the next fifteen minutes. I gave her 30 minutes to finish her project. Needless to say, it took her about 45 minutes, but she got it done. I was in bed with my book at about 9:15 to relax and unwind. LP was exhausted from staying up late and a full day at school, so she was out before 7:00 pm.

The saga continued this morning. I try to get DQ up when I take my shower so that by the time I finish, she'll be ready to go in and do what she needs to. It never works out, I have to constantly tell her to get dressed, brush her teeth, wash her face, etc. This morning, she spent so much time dressing and combing her hair that I had to put her out so LP could brush her teeth so she could eat breakfast. DQ ate and then decided to redo her hair. The result-- I put her out again, so I could finish getting dressed. We ended up running late and I had her and JW catch the bus so I could save time. LP has to be at school by 7:40 and we were walking out of the door at 7:30. Needless to say DQ and JW were upset because they had to ride the bus, but maybe tomorrow she will get up and get moving. There is a saying that a bought lesson is a taught lesson which means experience is the best teacher. So now that she has experienced the consequences of moving slow in the morning, it will teach her to move a little faster. As always, I'll keep you posted.

Makes you say hmmm...

2007-09-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

I am back to my old self. I have reacquainted myself with one of my loves...reading. Last week I read three books. The few books I'd read previously were all non-fiction, so I caught on some works that are in some of my favorite series. The first was S is for Silence by Sue Grafton. Yes, I've read everyone of her Kinsey Millhoune mysteries. I must admit they were getting pretty predictable, but this one was pretty good. It actually had a surprise ending and left me thinking, wow. I like the dry, sarcastic humor that she gives to Millhoune. But if I had to recommend any, it would have to be B is for Buglar, by far, the best in this series.

Book 2...Stalemate by Iris Johansen. This is an Eve Duncan thriller. Duncan is a forensic sculptor who always winds up in a bind through her work. Johansen does an amazing job with this series and it is one of the best. I recommend all of them. I couldn't put it down and I was even cheering for the bad guy.

The third book...Chasing Destiny by Eric Jerome Dickey. I was a Dickey fan. When he first entered the scence in 2000 I was one of the first to promote this brother. I though his writing was thought provoking and down to earth. He wrote about issues that were relevant to me. I read everything he wrote, but then his writing shifted. He started going through this sex thing and I lost interest in his stuff. I picked Destiny up because it was Labor Day weekend and I knew I'd finish the Johansen book Friday night. I opened the book at 9:00 pm Friday and when I put it down two hours later I was on page 112. Dickey has redeemed himself with this work. I liked and could identify with every single character in this book. This book made me think. I thought about my role as a parent and the effect my actions have on my children. I thought about how I respond and communicate with my children. I thought about all the parents who think their children are angels, but don't have a clue what is really going on. I thought about parents in denial and defending children even when they are wrong, not allowing them to take responsibility for their actions. In the end, it hurts everyone. I also learned a lot about motorcycles and when I finished I called my friend and asked him if he was going to buy a new bike. I wanted to ride, put on my gear and ride with the wind. I recommend this book to those who don't think their actions don't have an affect on others. I recommend this book to those who don't think we're all connected in one way or the other.

Today, I'm on my fourth...Sleeping with Strangers by Eric Jerome Dickey. So far, so good.

Third Coast

2007-08-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, I finished Third Coast by Roni Sarig, its subtitle: Outkast, Timabland and How Hip Hop became a Southern Thing, and I loved it! I picked this book up at the public library and kind of doubted if I'd read the whole thing, it is 364 pages and I just didn't know if my interest would continue after the first few pages. Remember the adage, "never judge a book by its cover"? Well, that should be taken literally with this title. Sarig gives readers a comphrensive view of rap and hip hop. He has done a lot of research and explains how rap and hip hop have evolved from the spoken word and disc jockeys. Sarig does use rap and hip hop interchangeably as most people do, but had he not, it would probably read "how rap became a southen thing." He only devotes a few paragraphs in the entire book to groups like Public Enemy, and artists like Common and Kanye West. Although they don't hail from the south, he gives hardcare rappers like Snoop, Tupac, and Biggie a lot of pen time.

Because I came of age during the evolution of rap and hip hop, I was so engrossed in this book. I took a trip down memory lane as he talked about the formation of The Geto Boys, UGK, Outkast, TLC, etc. (For another great book about Outkast, I suggest Hey Ya: The Unauthorized Biography of Outkast by Chris Nickson.) I always knew that the entertainment business was about perception, but he reiterated that as he gave the history of these groups. Many don't live the lifestyle they rap about, they just know that it sells and the more "shock value" the better. Many use that as a gateway and once established they start rapping about values and responsibilities, many times on deaf ears. Sarig points out that the largest consumers of rap music are white surburban teens. They want to escape their world and fantasize about the "hard life."

I learned a lot about the hustle and hard work of getting your voice heard. I didn't realize how much of rap is started in the underground world. I know there isn't much money in it until an artist reaches the status of Jay-Z, 50 Cent and Dr. Dre. I think because everything is constantly evolving, we are seeing a change in the lyrics. I know I'm sick of the gangster stuff, the bling, the women. I'm starting to notice that instead of sampling, many are coming up with their unique sound and Sarig discusses the different types like snap, bass and 808 beats.

It bothers me that people say they hate rap music without really giving it a chance. There are so many subgenres...gangstar, blues, country (Cowboy Troy), jazz, political, etc. The market is saturated with a lot of artists, most of them for the money, but there are some that need to be heard. Instead of focusing on the negative, look at the many foundations and charities these artist promote.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, hip hop is a movement. Let's move!

Why?

2007-08-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

I remember the hip hop song by Jadakiss in which he questioned things that are happening in the world around us. I stole his title because I want to question things that are happening in my house. LB is back in Oklahoma with his dad, so I'm left with DQ and LP. LP lately has become a mini version of DQ and that is why I'm about to pull my hair out.

The school year started in early August, so that means DQ is back to her usual social self. She is currently in the 7th grade and Jr. High School is a totally different scene. She no longer wants me to give her any advice on her clothes or hair. I try to think about my Jr. High years, I don't remember an obsession with clothes or hair. I really don't remember much, maybe something awful happened to me and I'm blocking those years out. I do remember finally being able to go to football and basketball games, so when DQ asked me if she could go to the game on Friday, I told her I'd think about it. That is now a closed subject because she lost $20 her dad had given her. Which brings me to my why. Why is she so careless? She said someone stole the money from her backpack which lead to my question, "Why would you put money in your backpack and not your pocket?" Her answer, shrugging her shoulders which only got my blood boiling. She kills me with her laissez-faire attitude about things. She has lost seveal things, including expensive gifts and she acts like it's no big deal. This lead me to go on a tantrum for about twenty minutes which after the first minute she probably heard, "blah, blah, blah." I refuse to buy her anything expensive, because she doesn't value anything. She spent $5 on fingernails at Wal-Mart and they lasted about two hours, a total waste.

My next why is why do I have to tell her to do the same thing every morning? I mean, I wake her up, tell her fifty times to actually get up and moving. I remind her to brush her teeth, wash her face, get her things. Some days I don't say anything just to see if she is going to do it, nope. I can't help but think the way she looks (and smells) is a reflection of me, so I refuse to let her go to school without taking care of personal hygiene, but it's frustrating to no end. I try to explain to her the importance of establishing a routine and I get the eye roll.

My next question is why do I have to go over the importance of reading and studying with her on a daily basis? When she walks through the door, I expect her to sit down at the table and do something for 30-45 minutes, but it's like pulling teeth, especially on the days where there is no homework assignment. I thought my love of reading would continue on with my children, but DQ refuses to do any recreational reading unless it's in the form of a magazine. She speeds through her homework and then it's the phone for the next two hours. I'm going to limit that phone time and make her focus more on her studies. It is my responsibility as a parent and after working in higher education for the past three years I know the importance of having a good foundation. She always says she doesn't want to go to Northwest, but if she doesn't buckle down and earn scholarships, that is where she will be.

Enough about DQ, now on to LP. LP started Kindergarten this year. I was a bit afraid of how she might respond because she has been in a program at Northwest for the past two years. She was one of ten children that recieved a lot of attention and instruction from our students enrolled in the Child Development Progam. I thought the lack of attention might cause problems, but it hasn't. I think bored is the word. They've been in school three weeks and last week her teacher started sending home a behavior chart. Smiley face= great day ; green mark=warning ; = half yellow=missed 1/2 of recess ; entire yellow=missed recess. So, out of twelve days, we have three smileys ; one entire yellow ; one half yellow and the rest green marks. It seems she just loves to talk, she doesn't talk to anyone in particular, she just talks. I explained to her that she has to be quiet and she may be disturbing others and I think she's calmed down a bit. I was relieved to find that all the students have a hard time the first of school and the last of school. Her teache assured me that as they learn the routine she will do better. I think her teacher is tough, but I like tough.

So LP is pretty wiped out at night and we all know what that means...temper tantrums. I just put her in the bathtub and the bed. Mornings are hard, she never wants to get up and she often hides in DQ's room to get a bit more rest. Going the motions with her every morning is okay, she's only five, but the drama has to stop!

Pimps Up, Ho's Down

2007-08-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

When I saw the title Pimp's Up, Ho's Down: Hip-Hop's Hold on Young Black Women by T. Denean Sharpley-Whiting I thought finally someone is going to enlighten me on why women continue to bounce and shake in videos while the artist is usually referring to her in a degrading manner. I want to know why I still listen to it. I read the book and I'm still left wondering. I can honestly say that when I finished reading this book, I thought "huh?" The book jacket describes Whiting as an insider having grown up in midst of hip-hop's evolution. If that is supposed to add to her "expertise" then I could've written a book on the same subject, because Whiting is only a few years younger than me. Oh yeah, they also credit her work as a runway model and print model as experience. She is also a professor of African American and Diaspora studies at Vanderbilt University. I guess that explains all of the language, I had to have my dictionary on hand to read this book! That bugs me to no end, in an effort to make things "scholarly" or "intellectual" some writers feel they have to use big words.

Moving on, Whiting does argue that these women are just making a living like the rest of us and what they do is not who they are. Whiting was a model and that income helped put her through graduate school. I know there are women who use their "skills" (stripping, modeling, videos) because it is a lucrative income. But what about the young women who do it because of how it is portrayed in mass media? Whiting uses the movie The Player's Club as an example for both cases. One is stripping to help pay her college tuition, the other to just make money and get attention. Whiting's review of the movie is that "the movie is neither poorly written, nor directed, nor acted." Okay, I've seen this movie, the premise is great, but the acting is HORRIBLE. But considering that Whiting is a student of Michael Eric Dyson's, it's understandable that she would think that way. Despite that, I kept reading and found the chapters on groupies and strippers fascinating. But the book is filled with a lot of rhetoric and I left with the feeling that she doesn't want to "offend" anyone.

If you want to understand why hip-hop has a hold on Black women, I suggest the following titles: When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost by Joan Morgan and Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America by Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden. Or you can just ask me. My credentials dont' include experience in "adult entertainement" but I am a Black women who listens to hip-hop and I came of age during the evolution of hip-hop.

In my quest to answer this question, I've been reading about more hip-hop. Hip-hop is not just music, it's a movement and though many are focused on the negative aspects, there are many positives. There are many subgenres of hip-hop. I know of such artists, but we have to remember everything tends to be commercialized and sex sells.

I have come to terms that I am of the hip-hop generation and instead of fighting it, I've learned to embrace it and all it stands for. Hip-hop is a way of life, it's thinking outside the box and realizing their is "more than one way to skin a cat." Change is good, everything continues to evolve. Embrace it, learn from it and grow.

What Color Are You?

2007-08-20T11:43:00.001-07:00

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors.
You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius.
Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way.
While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme.

Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Color Crayon Are You?

Ghettonation

2007-08-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

I just finished the book Ghettonation: A Journey Into the Land of Bling and Home of the Shameless by Cora Daniels. Her quest-- to find out what exactly it means to be ghetto. When the word was first introduced, it was a noun. It was where people lived, it begain with the segregation of Jews. As time passed it became lower income folks in large cities. But time has caused the word to evolve and it is now an adjective to describe crazy behavior. I guess you could equate it with the word redneck.

The first time I heard ghetto used to define a person was about ten years ago. The person was defined as ghetto because she did not graduate from high school, has served about five years in prison, had three children (all with different men), and did whatever she had to do to make ends meet. It was rare to hear the word to describe a person then, but now it is very commonplace.

Daniels explains that ghetto is not used to describe a particular group of people, but crosses all lines-- racial, age, socioeconomic, gender, and locale. It is behavior like renting a house and buying an expensive car, but it can also mean buying a huge house and not being able to afford furniture for it. It is a mindset of materialism instead of wealth building. We see it daily in kids who are dressed in all the latest fashions, but can't read. We hear it in our language-- baby daddy/mamma. She uses endless examples of how ghetto is now part of our culture.

Daniels has a unique perspective on the issue because she lives in Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn and has a daily glimpse into the lives of those who are considered the epitome of "ghetto." She talked to people all over the States to find out what it means to be ghetto and why so many people think it's a compliment to be defined as such. We all know the strong influence that hip-hop has on our youth and that is probably the root of the problem. Cable has given our children access to much degredation and disrespect.

My problem with Daniels, is that she, like others discusses the problem and gives no solutions. She does talk about the lack of parenting that goes on now, but HOW do we solve it? It left me thinking of how I can make a difference in my family and community. I think we need to stop making excuses and pointing finges and take responsibility for what is happening.

Slade Family Reunion 2007

2007-07-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

Last weekend the Slade Family celebrated it 33rd family reunion/get together. No, we haven't actually gotten together every year, but I can only remember a few years when we didn't do anything. My maternal grandparents, George and Carrie Slade started the tradition in their backyard in Montrose, Arkansas and what used to be them and their seven children has grown exponentially. We now alternate between Montrose and Milwaukee every summer.

I've been the family treasurer for the past few years and my duties go way beyond collecting dues. This year I took it upon myself to do everything from ordering t-shirts to preparing the food. I started at the beginning of the year thinking about what I wanted to do to celebrate our family. It seems that every year people always sit with the same group, so this year I wanted to stir things up a bit. My plans for the usual Friday night fish fry included having a getting "reaquainted" in which I passed around a questionnaire and once completed were entered into a drawing for door prizes. We also had a few games of bingo in which I received several threats for not calling certain people's numbers. Our menu cwas changed from catfish and consisted of finger foods. I prepared meat balls, little smokies, cheese dip, pasta salad, fruit and vegetable trays. I also made a cooler of sweet tea and had plenty of soda and water for all.

Our usual barbeque picnic was not on the schedule. Instead we had a ladies tea party and men's breakfast on Saturday morning. Yours truly was responsible for preparing the food for the men. Thankfully, my Uncle George helped me out. My aunts Betty and Marie did an awesome job of setting up the tea party. Not only were we treated to tasty sandwiches and dessert, we learned a lot about the history of tea. I think LP truly enjoyed it, afterall, she got to get a new dress for the event. We finished the day with the fish fry and I learned how to fry fish using an outdoor cooker.

We had catfish strips and fillets with french fries, hush puppies and green salad. My Aunt Gwen compiled a family cookbook and I got my copy hot off the press. She worked very hard, getting recipes from the Slades was a hard job I'm sure. What really adds value to the cookbook is that she included handwritten recipes from my grandmother, what a treasure.

My cousin, LaDonna has been working on the Slade Family genealogy for years, as long as I can remember. Her presentation was the highlight of the evening. My great-grandather, Malvern Slade was born in the 1800's to a slave in Louisiana. He was a mulatto, his mother Black and his father White. When his mother died he was passed along to a family who taught him to read and write. In fact, LaDonna has a copy of a letter he wrote to one of his daughters. In it, he states how important his family is to him and that obviously was passed on to his children. We learned that he fathered 23 children with two wives and LaDonna has found 19 of them! What an accomplishment, considering that records weren't kept on Blacks in the late 1800's and early 1900's. She shared with us pictures and information on those she had found. She has found that the man who owned my great great grandmother is buried in Snyder, Arkansas...about ten miles from Montrose, how ironic is that! It's fascinating to learn about family and we all appreciate all the hard work LaDonna has done.

So, after a successful reunion, we look forward to what the next year will bring. Apparently, I did a pretty good job. My cousin Mara called Monday with a list of plans she has for next year. Let the fun begin (again).

Ain't life grand?

2007-06-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

Today I looked at the calendar and realized that July 1st is Sunday! I went into a panic as I learned that my summer vacation is flying by. I had no plans for this summer, I just wanted to enjoy some R&R and that is exactly what the kids and I have been doing the past three weeks. Thankfully, my mom came to pick them up when they got out of school for the summer and I enjoyed three days of quiet as I finished up at work. I then headed off to AR to pick up my bundles of joy. DQ spent a week with my parents as LP and LB drove me crazy during our week at home. Day 1: they venture outside while I'm on the computer, I go to check on them. I look around the front, no kids, the back, no kids. I call out to them...they are across the street checking out the neighbors puppies. Day 2: they venture out while I'm on the computer, I go to check on them. I look around the the front, no kids, the back, no kids. I call out to them...they are down the street looking for puppies. I decide the cannot go out while I'm on the computer. Day 3 and 4 are spent at the local MS Health Department. Check out my previous blog to learn about that horrific experience.

So we head back to AR the weekend to attend a cousin's funeral and spend the next week there. Thankfully, I took a couple of books with me or I would've died from boredom or possibly would have eaten myself into a coma. There is nothing to do and the closest town with a store/restaurant is twelve miles away. Of course the kids had a blast and I had to look for LB every night. He was out exploring with his cousin and having a good ole time.

We've been home for over a week now and life is grand. I've been catching up on my tv favorites such as Matlock and Murder, She Wrote. We've been staying up late every night to at least 12:00 am and sleeping in daily. By the time we get up and moving it's time to catch the afternoon episode of Matlock. Yesterday, we didn't leave the house one time and today would be the same if I didn't need to get a few groceries.

I'm truly enjoying the summer. I don't have any major trips/vacations planned, so there is no rush. Life is grand!

He's not Muslim

2007-06-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, I love Barack Obama and I had to come to his defense. I've heard several people say he is a Muslim. He is not! Obama is an Kenyan name. This I learned after reading his biography, Dreams of My Father. Obama tells the story of how important his family has been to his growth and development as a man, particularly as a Black man. Obama's mother is White and hails from Kansas and his father is Black and was from Africa. They met in Hawaii, while both were in graduate school. He understands life from a variety of views, having spent most of his years with his maternal grandparents, but lives life as a Black man. After reading this book, I learned why and how he became such a well rounded person and wants life to be better for ALL Americans. He spent time in third world countries and has seen and experienced poverty in its lowest form.

I encourage all to pick up this book and learn more about this fascinating man. He has a passion that stems from working with grassroots organizations. He has seen the struggles of the poor and working class. I haven't followed him as closely as I should, but I know that he is a man who is working for bipartisan government, so I know his opponents will be many. He has been criticized for many things, including not being Black enough. Go figure...

After reading this book, you will find that he has attended the Church of Christ since his days as a grassroots leader in Chicago. In fact, the title of his second book, The Audacity of Hope stems from a sermon he heard. So, please, before we start judging this man, or any other person, find and read the facts. When we receive messages that are gossip or rumors, check the facts. In fact, I always to to snopes.com to verify information.

Go Barack Obama!

Their Eyes...

2007-06-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston was one of the best books I've ever read. It has been on my "to be read" stack for some time and is also on my summer reading challenge list. I knew I would be in Arkansas for a week and would need something to occupy my time, so I took the book with me. I am so thankful I did so because it was great company for two days! From the introduction by Edwidge Danticat, to the last page, I was hooked. I agree that this book should be considered a classic. The writing has transcended time.

Edwidge Danticat is the author of Breath, Eyes, Memory. I read that book about two years ago and was very impressed with Danticat's writing. It seems that Black women have the same issues wherever we're located on the globe. Danticat's introduction left me ready for Hurston's words. She explained why she considers it one of the best and I have to agree with her. Be sure to pick up the HarperCollins edition for Danticat's words.

As I began reading the book, I had to reread several passages because of the dialect, but adjusted quickly and was reminded that people in the South really do have our own way of speaking. Hurston does an excellent job of capturing the heart of us Southerners. The events take place in the 1930-40s, but are comparable to folks I know in my hometown in Southeast Arkansas.

Janie is the main character and the story follows her life. I loved Janie, she was such a strong woman and lived before her time. Many would say she was an idealist, but I beg to differ. She never gave up on her chance at true love and when it came she was ready. She decided to follow her heart and not the comments of others and for that I admired her. How many times do we worry about what others might think and say, even the year 2000?

So, hopefully, all of the books on my list will be as enjoyable as this and if so, this is going to be a great summer!

Is Patience Really a Virtue?

2007-06-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I wasn't as nice and patient as I am. For instance, I visited my local health department to get LP ready for school. She needed three immunizations so she would be ready to go in August. I weighed my options, should I take her to the health department or the pediatrician? Schools in MS require that a form from the health department be filled out and signed to verify that that student has completed all immunizations and it's free, so the health department it was.

Day 1: Since we are out for the summer, our days have been very relaxed. We get up and out at 1:00 p.m. and when I get to building, I find it has been moved out to Brown Ferry Road. I have no idea where that is so I call and get the worst directions in America. I just drive aimlessly and am surprised when I find it. When I walk through the door, I see about six people and one in with the receptionist. Since they go by the number system, I wait for the lady to come out of the office. After fifteen minutes of waiting, I take it out as a sign of things to come and leave.

Day 2: We get up and out a bit earlier...11:00 a.m. We make it to the building, get a number and sit and sit and sit. I'm number 15, they call number 10 in for paperwork. I have a discussion with several women who are waiting and find out this is how it always is, no matter what time you arrive, you have to wait. They apparently have a new intercom system because they "test" it a million times! You hear the speaker come on, hold your breath that they are about to call the next number and they say "TEST." I thought I was going to lose my mind. At 12:30, they call number 15, I walk to the receptionist and she asks what service I need. I could have sworn I told her my daughter needed immunizations for school. When I tell her again, she announces that the nurse is about to go on her lunch break. I was very near my melting point...don't they understand I've been waiting for an hour and a half, with two kids and I have to do more waiting? They ask me if I can come back at 2:00 and I just want to slap them! But I don't, I ask if I will have to do more waiting and they assure me that I won't, I can walk straight in, so I agree.

Day 2 (again): I walk in and there sits about five people and of course, someone is in the office with the receptionist. I signal to her that I'm waiting and go to sit and sit and sit. Finally at 2:25, they call number 15 to clinic 3 and the nurse is sitting there waiting. It takes about five minutes for three shots. I must admit DQ was great. She didn't cry until the MMR because it stings a bit when it's injected. We go to the receptionist and she takes the form and asks me if I'll be paying today. Paying today? I thought they were free. No, fees are based on a sliding scale, my scale...$30. By this point, I'm boiling, but I just write a check and get the heck out with shot record in hand. I do plan to download a complaint form though. I don't expect much to come of it, afterall, I was told that that is the norm when dealing with the MS State Health Department.

Friends first

2007-06-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever met someone and you've felt you've known them all your life? I've had that happen to me several times, but never with any one of the opposite sex. They've always been with other females, but soon the friendship fades. As a single woman, I've been looking (unsuccessfully) for companionship. I haven't been looking too hard because I'm a bit cautious and I'm pretty set in my ways, but sometimes I get lonely. I think that is why I completed a profile on Yahoo personals. The first time I did this, I met some pretty interesting characters and I began to question my desperation as I read profiles that included such phrases as "I'm looking for a nice clean woman." Nevertheless, I met a pretty interesting guy who teaches at Ole Miss and is from the same area of the country as I am and knew exactly where my hometown is. We talked off and on for several months and I think I scared him off when I told was competing in The Biggest Loser at NWCC. His last words were, "Do you need to lose that much weight?" I tried to reassure him that I am not obese, but I never heard from him again. And he was the most interesting guy who'd looked at my profile. Back to the drawing board.

A few weeks later I got a message from a guy in Alabama. He looked sane and left several messages, including a phone number. I waited until after Spring Break and gave him a call and we've been talking ever since. I talk to him about a lot of stuff and he just listens, never judges and I can be myself. Sometimes I ask him if I am too country for him and he quickly reminds me that he is a country boy. He seems to understand my frustrations of being a single mom and dealing with a selfish ex-husband. He is the father of four children and I think my stories and tales have changed his relationship with his children.

There are several things I like about this guy: 1) He is a hard worker. He currently has one full-time job and two part-time jobs. I guess after having a father who has always worked hard and instilled the same work ethic in me and my sister, I think all men should be providers. 2) He is a dedicated father. There have been times I haven't heard from him because he was busy with his children. I've reminded him several times that my kids come first. 3) He encourages me to be true to myself. I've dated (and even married) men who wanted me to be someone I couldn't. I'm just a Southern girl who is comfortable living a simple life. I'm not impressed by possessions, I love true people and try to be real in all that I do. 4) He seeks me. I hardly ever call him, he is always looking for me. I refuse to chase another man. Afterall, Proverbs states, "A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing." 5) He is honest and I know how he feels about things. He never agrees with me just to get along and he understands that people can agree to disagree.

So, I don't know where this is headed, but I'm having a great time just getting to know him better. When I first met him, he told me he is looking for a wife. I'm not looking for a husband at this point in my life, but who knows what will happen...

I Love My Job (pt. 2)

2007-05-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

Some months ago, I wrote an entry describing why I love my job at Northwest. Well, recent events have caused me to again be thankful for such a wonderful job. Last week, my supervisor came and asked about summer plans and who was going to help me with my kids until my last day, May 31st. I told her about my ex not coming though (Confessions of a Single Mother, pt. 2) and she told me it would be okay to bring them with me on Thursday and Friday (the 24th and 25th). They could play on the computers, read books and watch movies in the viewing room. Afterall, the library will be closed until the start of summer school on the 30th and they wouldn't disturb anyone. Today, they got out at 12:00, so I met them at home and took them with me and LB had a blast on the computer. I practically had to pry him out of the chair. I promised tomorrow would be much of the same, so I'm sure he will be too excited to sleep tonight.

The kindness and generosity offered by my coworkers has made the transition to a new job, town and lifestyle so much easier. I share my triumphs and trials with them and they always support and understand me. Their words of encouragement have made such a difference. Again, I feel so fortunate and blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful folks.

Over the weekend, I had an interesting conversation with a younger cousin. She is from Springfield, Illinois and attends Tennessee State University in Nashville. She said when she finishes school she wants to stay in the South. In fact, she said Nashville is as far North as she wants to be. She said people in the South are different, in a good way. I tend to agree.

Thank you, my dear coworkers for all you are and all you do!

T-shirts...$50, gas...$3/gallon, family fun...priceless!

2007-05-21T11:57:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful weekend! I spent time getting to know my Wilson family a little better. Since the death of my Aunt Rosie a little over two years ago, my family has rekindled the flame that had gone out. Aunt Rosie hosted the first Wilson/Drumgoole reunion in her yard, and that was it. It was at Aunt Rosie's funeral that I saw cousins I hadn't seen in over twenty years and I vowed to keep in better touch with my family. I've always been close to my mother's family and I felt awful that I hadn't taken any effort to get to know my dad's family better. My Aunt Laura hosted the first "renewal" reuion in Dallas two years ago. I can't remember why I didn't make it, but when I was told of the good time had by all, I declared I'd never miss another. Last year, my dad and I made the trip to Peoria, Illinois and had a wonderful time. The crowd is not very large, but the love is and that is what matters most.

Each year the reunion is hosted by someone in the family. The host is responsible for all PR, food, logistics and activities. My cousin VW requested that the date be moved from Memorial Day to the weekend before because the Crawfish Festival would be in town (Dermott, AR) and that would give us someone to do during the down time. VW was on the ball, we got save the date letters before the end of 2006. We got t-shirt order forms in February. She did a great job of building anticipation. She told us to expect three fun-filled days at her new house.

Because of work related issues, I wasn't able to attend the Friday night festivities, but I heard she had a cake for a cousin who recently retired after thirty years of employment with the same company. She also had name buttons, so you wouldn't have to whisper, "Now who is that?"

Saturday I pulled into her yard to find a large moonwalk bouncy. She also had goody bags for the kids filled with beach balls, bubbles, sun visors and jump ropes. There was a volleyball net setup in the front yard. I continually thanked her, I mean, I didn't see my kids much, they were busy playing. I actually got to eat in peace! Speaking of eating, the menu was incredible and there seemed to be a never ending supply of catfish, cole slaw, spaghetti, french fries and hushpuppies. We also had pound cake and jamcake. YUMMY!

I usually go to the festival and walk around to find something different and interesting to eat, but this year I walked around to help my food digest. Sunday was much of the same because it was barbeque day...ribs, chicken, hot dogs, bratwursts, bake beans, mac and cheese. My cousin SS even made some cornbread dressing and turkey. Dessert included punchbowl cake, a tasty concoction of yellow cake, pudding, pineapples and whipped cream.

Needless to say, we had a great time. I try to visit and keep in touch with my family throughout the year, but it's always good to see someone physically, give hugs and catch up. The icing on the cake, Aunt Laura wants DQ to spend a week with her this summer! Priceless!

Confessions of a Single Mother (pt.2)

2007-05-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, my ex called and asked when the kids were getting out of school. I told him LP's last day is May 11th and I would take her to AR that weekend to spend some time with my parents. LB and DQ get out on the 25th and I hadn't made plans for their care yet. He told me that since his mother was with him for a while, I could just meet him halfway and he'd keep them for two weeks. She could watch them while he was at work. How exciting is that?! I didn't get too excited because he and his family are very flaky when it comes to anything, especially the kids. I didn't tell the kids, because I'd been down that road before and seeing them so disappointed is a heartbreaker. So, I was thinking about some of the things I could get done while they were gone. I was making tentative plans with friends and family, reminding them that I wouldn't believe it until the kids were in his car and I was on my way back home.

The call came about a week ago. He was taking his mother to Fort Smith to meet his sister...she was going home. But, she said she is going back, I mean, she left her car at his house. Okay, I wasn't expecting the call so soon, it caught me off guard, but I tried to remain calm. Afterall, I knew it was going to happen. I was upset with myself for even making tentative plans. He said if she didn't come back, all I had to do was take them to her house. His mother lives about twenty minutes from my folks. Don't count on it brother. I'll figure something out.

I called my mom and she said she could come over and stay with us for a couple of days. I really appreciate the gesture, but I feel like the air has been let out of my balloon. I don't have any me time, I need my hair trimmed, I would like to get a pedicure and can I go to the freakin' store by myself?! It would seem that since his mother was a single mother of three, she would understand what I'm going through. It sickens me to think that she would let her feelings toward me affect her relationship with her grandchildren.

So, now I've cancelled all of my plans. I'm trying to work out schedules so that my children will have adult supervision until my last day of work, May 31st. I know my family will come through, they always have. But my kids are not their responsibility and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. Single motherhood...but I must admit, I enjoy my peace and the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I guess there's a trade-off in anything.

(Don't) Pass It On...pt.2

2007-05-07T17:00:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I wrote about the passing along of emails that warns that to prove you are a believer, the message must be passed on. I still continue to get those little annoying messages, but yesterday I got the straw that broke the camel's back. I was watching Joel Osteen talk about letting our lifestyles reflect what we believe when my cell phone beeped. I had a text message. Usually, I only get texts from my cousin AF, passing on a joke. But instead of the 253 area code, it was a 414 number. Since I have tons of family that live in Milwaukee, I opened the message ready to read about the latest family news. To my surprise, the message reads, "If you love the Lord and you're glad he woke you up today send this to 10 people and watch what He does to you within a few minutes." Okay, so not only did I have to pay fifteen cents for opening the message, but I was going to have to pay 10 fifteen cents to forward it. I spent the next few minutes wondering who sent it to me than worrying about what might happen if I kept it going. Needless to say, I did not forward the message. But I did go to bed last night wondering if I missed out on winning the Publisher Clearing House sweepstakes.

Seriously, I think we need to take Osteen's word to heart. He explained that we need to live a life that reflects what we believe. Somehow I don't think passing on an email message is proof of my love for God. I think helping someone in need or saying a kind word is much more a testament. I mean think about it, most of the time the people we pass the message on to are believers so what's the point? Talk about preaching to the choir. As believers we are commissioned to go out and spread God's love and I don't think we do that by forwarding email, and now, text messages.

Confessions of a Single Mother

2007-05-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

I am a single mother. Being a single mom is not something I planned. I always thought that I would have a husband to complete my family. At one time I did have that family, but circumstances beyond my control brought forth my current situation. When I think about those years, I realize I was always a single mother with an adult child as well. I was married, but have always done the child rearing alone. This adult child required the same, if not more attention than the kids and I was sick of walking around on eggshells. His low self-esteem brought much grief to my life and I left because of safety and sanity reasons.

Now that I've been on my own for a little over four years, I must say things have changed, but remained the same. I no longer have to worry about the grief I might get over decisions I make. Now I can simply hang up the phone. I mean, if you don't get off your butt to do something, how can you criticize the person who does?! I don't have to deal with the ex, but his spirit lives on in DQ and that my friends, is enough to drive the most sane person bananas. I mean, who do they think they are that they can tell me what to do and how to do it?! For instance, I took the kids to the park last week, I could walk and they could play. Well, DQ was ready to go, so she followed me and complained. I told her to go have a seat until I was ready to go. Her dad bought her a cell phone for her birthday, so she proceeded to call him and tell on me. Minutes later, my phone rings and he is questioning why I've been at the park for an hour with the kids crying to go home. I quickly informed him that I'm an adult, and just because DQ was ready didn't mean I was leaving. Furthermore, it wasn't his place to call me with questions, he should've been telling DQ to sit tight until I was ready to go. That, my friends is one example of the extremes I have to deal with. Maybe now, some will understand why I had to move. There was no way we could live in the same city.

Many people comment on how well I handle single motherhood and sometimes I explain that I feel like I've always been a single mother. Most of the time I just smile and think to myself of the many nights I'm stressed to the limit wondering about childcare, buying needed clothes and shoes and even about paying for their lunch. In the end, it all works out and everyone has been so supportive. For those who are reading this, THANK YOU!

My Summer Reading Challenge

2007-04-25T17:37:00.000-07:00

If you've visited maggiereads, you'll know she has challenged us to read some southern authors this summer. I don't know if I have an interest in reading southern authors in particular, but it did make me think about challenging myself to read some of the classics by African American authors. I really started thinking about it as I catalogued a few books by W.E.B. Dubois and James Baldwin. I did a google search to find out what is considered classic literature by African American authors and found a wide range of material. After comparing lists, I've narrowed my choices down and hopefully someone will join me.

My choices include:

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

The Mis-Education of the Negro by Carter G. Woodson
The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois

Race Matters by Cornel West

Up From Slavery by Booker T. Washington

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

These I've already read, but I think I will revisit:

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Native Son by Richard Wright

I realize my list is a small fraction of material considered as classics, but hey, I only have the summer to do all of this reading. I think it's a pretty ambitious list and I think Maggie will be happy to see I've chosen a few Southern authors.

Country, ghetto...whatever!

2007-04-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was on the phone with a friend who lives in a large midwestern city and I told him that if it hadn't been raining I was going to mow my grass. He then asked what I meant by mow. I told him again and he just acted like he'd never heard that expression before and I told him mow and cut the grass are the same thing. He asked why I just didn't say cut the grass, why would I when mow in one word means the same as cut the grass in three? I told him I use a lawn mower, so mow is the verb of what I'm doing with it. He just tsked and added it to his list of things that he considered makes me a country, uninformed woman.

Lately, this guy has been really getting under my skin with his insinuations that because I come from a small town in Arkansas that I am stupid. I have known this guy for over 25 years. He, his sister and brother would spend every summer with their grandparents who lived down the street from my family. In fact, we had a mutual fondness for each other, but my mom wasn't having it, so he got passed around by all the other girls in town. Time passed and we grew apart, but circumstances allowed us to be reunited about three years ago. It was during Thanksgiving 2003, we were both in town for Thanksgiving and bumped into each other. We talked for hours and exchanged phone numbers. Our relationship and friendship grew and at one point I thought maybe he was the one. I ignored all of his comments regarding my ignorance about stuff. If I didn't understand something, he just dismissed as being stupid because I come from a small town. He just couldn't understand why people would want to live in a small town. I informed him that some people like small town life and if they want something to do, they could always drive to a nearby larger city. He would comment on the fact that people had to drive to nearby towns for work, but think about it, in larger cities, a drive across town can take just as long. I've lived in large cities and small towns and honestly, I prefer small town life. I guess if I'd spent my entire life in a large city, I'd probably prefer it over the small town.

Anyway, I've tried to explain to this guy that small city does not equate stupid. I realize he is not alone in his thinking. The media portrays people from the South as stupid, rednecks and illiterate. There are thousands of brilliant people who hail from the South. As a reader, I think of Alice Walker, Eric Jerome Dickey, E. Lynn Harris and Richard Wright. I also don't think I am stupid or dumb by any means. I don't equate knowing the lastest trends or gossip or even the latest slang terms and being stupid. If I happen to talk loud, he accuses me of being county. I spent two weeks in Milwaukee, Wisconsin last year and had the pleasure of attending a barbecue on the 4th of July. The family who hosted the event was so friendly, I laughed and told my cousin, I felt like I was in Montrose! So I don't think that where you lives makes a person, it is what is on the inside. I had to laugh during the same conversation when I asked him if he likes asparagus and he said he doesn't know what it is!

Dear Mr. Imus...

2007-04-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this letter to let you know how I feel about your remarks. I am an African American woman with two daughters. My first thoughts were that you called someone's daughter, sister and perhaps mother a nappyheaded ho. I was angry and saddened, but not surprised. We do live in a world where racism exists...always has, always will. I know your show insults and slams people, but usually they are well known and have done something deserving, these young ladies did nothing but play hard and make it to the championship game, not deserving of being called nappy headed hos. I don't think I equate your comments with being a racist, I think you just got caught up in the hype and the heat of the moment. I hear black people make demeaning comments about people of other races, but I wouldn't label them racist. I think racism is seen in actions, not words.

My next thoughts then went to why you would call them such. Where in the world would you, a middle aged White man hear such words? I then had to get angy with the African American community. We often degrade and call each other demeaning names. Our comedians and musicians lace their shows and songs with words such as hos, tricks, and *itches, referring to Black women. I then asked myself, why do we as a community just let that pass, but the minute a White person uses such expressions we get angry. I guess it's the same as when I talk about my kids, mother, sister, or father, but no one else better not say one negative word or I'll defend them. But that doesn't make it right does it?

So as I watch the media make a circus out of this, I feel saddened. I'm sad because instead of using this to talk about racism and how it is a taught behavior, there are people calling for your firing. How is that going to help? It will just breed more contempt and hatred. People are saying that racism should not be tolerated in any workplace, again, I say, wake up. Firing one person is not going to change things. We have to change the way people think and their perceptions. I'm saddened because Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are using this as a publicity stint instead of addressing the real issues. We need to be a proactive people and deal with our own issues, instead of being reactive. We wait until something happens or someone says something to start addressing issues. We need real leaders who aren't afraid to stand up to ANYONE, even our own people to bring change. Jackson and Sharpton do not speak for me. You have apologized and the Rutgers women's basketball team has agreed to meet with you so they can understand why you said those things. If they can move on, so can we. Isn't life about forgiveness? I mean don't both Sharpton and Jackson have the Reverend title? I'm sad because these women should be celebrating their accomplishments, but now have to deal with the media, and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.

So I hope you've learned something from this and I hope that this will help people. I try to base my feelings on people individually, not as a group. This incident has helped me to remember to do so.

He's playing basketball!

2007-04-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

LB has redeemed himself. The week before Spring Break, the PE teacher/coach sent a note home informing parents that the city basketball league would have tryouts the week of Spring Break. I was a bit disappointed because LB loves b-ball and would miss the tryouts due to our trip to AR. He didn't say much about it, afterall, he was looking forward to riding his bike and playing. We had a great Spring Break and returned home to find that he would still be able to try out.

Tryouts were held March 31st due to the low turnout during Spring Break. The night before LB reminded me several times the time would be 10:00 am. He even suggested I write myself a note so that I wouldn't forget. Oh yeah, he also asked me to wake him up at 9:00 so he could "get ready." As I watched him prepare, he reminded me of myself. I hate surprises, so I always try to have everything laid out the night before. LB studied his clothes for about thirty minutes, finally deciding on red shirts, a red Nike t-shirt, long white socks and his new Reeboks. He also took his bath and went to bed at 10:00. For those of you who know LB, 10:00 is early, especially on the weekend.

The next day he was up at 7:30 am! I told him he had over two hours, so he watched tv, had breakfast and rushed us out the house. The tryouts were pretty interesting. Skills ranged from great to those who couldn't dribble/shoot. LB was somewhere in the middle. The thing with LB is that whatever he does, he always gives 100% and watching him work so hard made me proud. I was cheering him on from the bleachers. I wonder what I'm going to do when he actually plays in a game?!

So Coach C told the boys to write down their phone numbers and he would call them if they made the team. He told the boys not to ask him about it at school, he would call. As the days passed this week, we waited for the call and LB told me that if he didn't make it, he would be okay. He knows that our summers are filled with days in AR and OKC and he is looking forward to being reunited with his dad.

Today I went to pick LB up from school and I saw Coach C. He told me that LB made the team! LB just smiled and wanted to call his dad with the good news. He then told me he was ready for his haircut!

The Biggest Loser

2007-04-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

In an effort to promote wellness and health, NWCC has challenged faculty and staff with its version of The Biggest Loser. The Biggest Loser airs on NBC and is actually the only reality program that I enjoy. I guess it's because the contestants are actually doing something that is good for them. Contestants are taught that weight loss and good health is not about a life of diets, but a lifestyle. There are usually two teams and each week contestants weigh in and the team with highest percentage of weigh loss doesn't have to vote a member off-- that's for the losing team. To hear the contestants talk about their struggles and to watch weekly as they tranform is so inspiring. I encourage anyone who is lacking the motivation to get started to watch this program the next time it airs.

So, NWCC fitness instructor, MW came up with his version for faculty and staff. Different departments on campus have teams of four that are competing. The competiton began on March 1st with everyone weighing in. As I looked at my weight, I was stunned, what in the world have I been eating?! At that time we were also given a pedometer so we would know how many steps we take daily. 10,000 steps to maintain current weight, 12,000 for weight loss. For those of you who think you walk a lot during the day, I encourage you to buy a pedometer, you'll be amazed at how little you actually walk. The first two days of walking consisted of about 6000 steps. Having the pedometer has been a big motivator, I try to walk at least 10,000, aiming for 12,000 four times a week.

So, I know you're wondering, how does this program work? Well, as I mentioned, everyone weighed in the first day. Weights were recorded and pedometers given. We get one point for taking at least 12,000 steps, the maximum being four points per week. We get two points for having our blood pressure checked every two weeks, and we get one point for each pound lost. I am on the Lean, Mean Library Team and our team leader, MLL, is married to a coach, so we all know what that means-- win or die! She walks on Tuesdays and Thursday at 12:30 and the first time I joined her, I thought I was going to die! I lost three pounds that week, I'm sure it was sweated off trying to keep up with her! Since then, I have upped my speed so that I won't appear to be a wimp when I walk with her and RL, another team member. It's a challenge to walk 12,000 four times a week, but when I do, it's such an amazing accomplishment.

We were trying to monitor our weight weekly because after I lost those three pounds the first week, I was pumped! The second week, I lost two more pounds and I was ecstatic and began to watch portion sizes and increase my steps. The third week, I enter the weight room to find that the scale is gone...and it's has yet to be returned. Hopefully by the time it's returned, I will have lost ten pounds. The blood pressure checks have been good. The first week, I was a little high, but I'm sure it was due to stress. The nurse assured me that since I was walking and watching portions it would go down and the next week, it was much better. That, coupled with the weight loss have been such a motivator for me. I see an increase in my energy and that is what all single parents need...more energy!

So, we are currently in week five-- the half way mark and I feel great. I was informed that there will be individual and team prizes, so my interest has really piqued. We weigh in on May 10th, so I'm going into overdrive now!

A thin line between love and insanity

2007-03-29T17:24:00.000-07:00

It is now 7:25 p.m. on Thursday, March 29, 2007 and I feel like I'm at my wit's end. DQ, LP and LB are driving me insane. Lately, it seems LP is doing everything she is not supposed to do. Last night I walked past their room to find her combing her doll's hair with my comb and brush, adding my hair spray and hair accessories. I had to count to five and then handle the situation. Tonight I found her with all of my makeup about to give the same doll a makeover. What is going on? I have threatened her with the ultimate...a spanking. She begged for forgiveness and promised to never do it again. We'll see how it goes.

On to LB, who I thought was the most stable of us all. Lately he has been an accomplice to LP's crimes. Sunday afternoon, I found them ripping a hole in the window screen and hanging the stuffed animals out. I went on a tangent on how I'm not rich and that when they destroy things it costs money to replace. I think all they heard was blah, blah, blah because about two hours later they removed the screen and LP climbed out, walked around to the back door and came in the house with a "Hi Mama." Needless to say, I lost it. I've talked to him about his behavior and even had to pull out the big gun...call his dad. All is takes is one warning from their dad and LB pretty much will get back in line. We'll see how it goes.

Now on to the ultimate patience breaker...DQ. DQ came home with three C's on her report card last week. She pointed out that they were high C's, I pointed out that in our house a C is a C. I told her no more phone or television, she is going to have to buckle down and study to bring those grades up. They are now in the last grading period, so we need to make it count. We've had it out every night. She will come home, sit at the table and do her homework... in fifteen minutes flat. I tell her she needs to do something for the next 30 minutes and that is when the tamtrums start. She tries to explain that she has no more homework and I point out to her that she needs to do something, read a book, practice math, something. I try to point out that just because you have no homework doesn't mean you can't study. She refuses to listen, but I don't let up, she is going to learn to do things no matter how unpleasant. We'll see how it goes.

I love my kids with everything in me, but sometimes I wonder where the heck they came from. Is it karma, am I reaping what I've sown, what is it?! I'll just continue to do the best I can and hope they turn out okay. Again, we'll see how it goes.

Go Team!

2007-03-04T13:58:00.000-08:00

For those who think parenting is easy and always have a point of view on how to handle situations, I say wake up! The past weekend has been one of the toughest for me. DQ tried out for the cheerleading squad and didn't make it. I know some people say "who cares?" but it's not something that is easily shrugged off. I know that some people think it's just a fluff thing, but as a former cheerleading I can tell those that it is a sport. I'd like to line critics up and have them show me a toe touch, a split or build a pyramid. But I digress...DQ practiced for three days with other candidates and the big day for tryouts was Friday afternoon. She practiced nonstop at home Thursday night, brushed teeth until they were pearly white, had her outfit packed and ready. Friday morning, we curled her hair and accented it with ribbons. I wished her much luck and reminded her to smile and show lots of enthusiasm. I realize that I'm just as excited as she is, I'm really cheering her on!

Friday afternoon, I drove by the school and they were still locked in the gym. After two more trips, I finally gave up and went home. DQ called and said they would finish up at about 7:00 p.m. I picked her up with nervous anticipation only to be told that the results would be posted at 9:00 pm. So we go home and try to eat and watch the clock. Finally at 9:00 we ride nervously to the school and have to wait another 30 minutes. DQ jumps out of the car and reads the list. As she turns to head back toward the car, I can tell by the expression on her face that she didn't make the team. After she told me she didn't make it, I asked her how she felt and she said disappointed. We ride home in silence and I'm trying to think of the right words. When I tell DQ that I tried out once and didn't make it, so I know how she feels, that seems to help. She then tries to rationalize why things happened as they did. When her friends call, she doesn't want to talk to them. I try to talk to her and explain her life will be busy with marching band anyway. I also tell her given our love of traveling, that maybe it's a good thing that she didn't make it. We go on to talk about other things she can do and she thinks track might be fun. So things seem to be looking up. It is then I explain to her that perhaps her behavior caused some problems for her. I remind her that her teachers gave input on the candidates. I remind her that I constantly tell her that there is more to school than making good grades. I've told her several times that behavior is a big factor as well as good grades. She has her aha moment and realizes that maybe mama does know a few things.

Saturday morning as we are on our way to Memphis to do some shopping, she jokes about being a cheerleader for three days and is still upset, but realizes life goes on. That afternoon after she talks to her dad and realizes that she can get a new pair of shoes is she decides to run track, life is grand! I remind her that her two cousins she idolizes are track runners and we've found a new sport. It is then that I realize that things have a way of working out because as a single mom, it would be pretty tough to get her to all the games, get her to camp, pay for uniforms and other hidden costs. We've discussed the situation from ever angle and we both learned a lot. DQ has learned that maybe her actions do have an effect on her life overall. She has learned that life isn't fair and sometimes it's not what you know, but who you know. She has learned that life does go on after a major disappointment. I've learned that I can't protect my children from disappointment. I've learned that sometimes silence is the best response. And we both learned that shopping sometimes is the best medicine!

Once Upon a Time

2007-02-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

As most know, I love my job here at Northwest MS Community College. I am the technical services librarian, but in addition to cataloging I enjoy selecting material to add to our collection and teaching orientation classes. I am also active in the Reading Roundtable discussions we host once a month. Reading Roundtable is coordinated by our Director and is open to faculty, staff and folks in the community. I have led two discussions since I started in August 2005 and my third will take place on Monday, February 26th.

The book we will discuss is Once Upon a Time When We Were Colored by Clifton Taulbert. Taulbert was born and raised in Glen Allan, MS and his story brought back to my memory days of growing up in Montrose, AR. As I started the book, I was a bit apprehensive because I knew those times were difficult for African Americans and I really didn't want to get emotional and have to try to figure out a way to disguise those emotions during my discussion. To my surprise, the only emotions that came out during the reading were joy and delight. Sure, times were hard for Taulbert and other Blacks, but he chose not to dwell on that aspect. He chose to write about the strong role models in his life and why he and others of Glen Allan are successful in life. His Ma Ponk reminded me of my grandmother and instead of the picture of her during her last days as she struggled with dementia, I went back and thought about how she was a leader in her family, community and church. His Poppa reminded me of my grandfather who was loved by all and was one of the first Black business owners in Southeast AR.

I laughed out loud as I read about the yearly revival that had him and his friends sitting on the "mourning bench" as the preacher yelled and screamed at them to come to the Lord. I remember sitting on that front pew as Rev. Spencer preached to us and how my sister and I joined church not because we believed Jesus had died for our sins, but because we couldn't bear the thought of having to go through the same thing the following year.

So much in the book reminded me of life in AR and I began to wonder are we really better off today? We have so much, but yet our time is rushed. I remember when time wasn't even an issue, things just moved at their own pace. We seemed to know more about each other when we didn't have email and cell phones, somehow we stayed connected without any gadgets. I remember when kids used to play outside and we actually walked to reach our destinations. Sometimes I reminisce with friends about life when we were growing up. The baseball games, the bike races, hanging out at the "court." It amazes me when my kids say they are bored. I don't remember EVER being bored, there was always something to explore.

I'd forgotten just how grand life was then. Some of the reviews for this book says he is too "syrupy", but I beg to differ. I think he purposely chose to write a book that is uplifting and recalls the good time eventhough times were hard. This book emphasizes that strong bonds in family, faith and community can instill lessons that will last a lifetime.

No Scubs!

2007-02-14T09:35:00.000-08:00

Remember the song No Scubs by TLC? They defined a scub as a man who thinks he's all that, but is really a buster. They go on to say he is always the man who is trying to give you a ride, but sits on the passenger side. He lives at home, has no job or car, and has kids but doesn't take care of them. Today is Valentine's Day and I've declared it my theme song of the week. As a single woman, I started dreading this day when I saw the candy, cards, balloons and stuffed animals appear in stores in mid-January. I have talked to a couple of guys in the past few months, but my chance of getting anything is pretty slim. When a friend of mine called last night, I asked if I should expect a gift and his comeback line was, "I get my gift everytime I talk to you." Pretty lame and I explained to him that I was still empty handed. Oh well, I should be used to it by now, this is the third year I've been without. I guess I really shouldn't complain too much because I love the cards that my kids make. They presented me with them yesterday and I was overjoyed that they put so much care in their artwork.

As I look around and see roses being delivered and candy being eaten, I think for a moment, "I want that too!" But then reality sets in and I realize that I'm pretty happy with the flow of my life. I've adjusted to being a single parent and I really don't have the time or energy for another person right now. Sure, I get lonely, but those days come less often. My kids keep me extremely busy and I have enough housework to last until the end of time. I also have my to be read (tbr) stack of books and my nightly tv schedule (love those crime shows). When I'm starved for adult conversation, I call my mom or sister and they are forced to listen to me and my soapboxes.

And so, I titled this entry No Scubs because I have to remind myself that I'd rather be alone than to have a scub in my life. If I have to put up with crap just to say I have someone, no thanks. If it means spending the holidays alone and no gifts, that's great too.

I'll be so glad when this week is over and all the Valentine's stuff is gone. That will give me about seven months to prepare for Christmas and New Year's.

The Breakthough of a Queen

2007-02-12T07:40:00.000-08:00

I watched the Grammys last night. Well, most of it. I didn't watch because I wanted to see the Police reunite. I didn't watch because I wanted to see Carrie Underwood sing with Rascal Flatts. I didn't watch because I wanted to see who would sing with Justin Timberlake. I watched because I wanted to see Mary J. Blige win!

Mary J. first entered the music scene in 1992 with What's the 411? Her street edge and unique flavor quickly had us hailing her as The Queen of R & B and Hip-Hop. Mary was real, the girl next door and many of us identified with her, she spoke for us, she was real and honest. Mary's next album, My Life, gave us a glimpe of some of the trouble she was beginning to encounter with her newfound success and she began to lose me as a devoted listner. I would catch a glimpse of her and listen to some of her music, but something was missing. Then around the time she got married, I saw a change in Mary and she grabbed my attention once again. I followed her as she began to change physcially and emtionally. The changes she was making within began to show outwardly.

It was last fall when I first heard, Be Without You and I thought, Mary is back! After I heard that song for the first time, I was in love with it and when The Breakthrough was released, I purchased it immediately and loved each and every song. Mary was telling her story of how she found and fell in love with herself. As Mary began to promote her cd with appearances, I watched her and listened to her tell her story of growing and becoming a better person. I watched her a couple of weeks ago on Oprah and was struck by her candor and knew she is a true Queen.

Last night as she won her Grammy for best R & B song with Be Without You, I cried with her as she spoke about her growth process. Her performances were first rate. I realized she must be a truly amazing person because as Terrence Howard introduced her, his voice was filled with so much emotion and respect.

Go Mary!

Say it Ain't So

2007-02-09T08:17:00.001-08:00

My mom has officially retired. When she announced her retirement plans, it was a bittersweet moment. I was excited that she was about to start enjoying life, doing some things she never had the opportunity to do because of her self-employment. I was also a bit sad because her store is an icon in Montrose. It is where I sit for hours and visit with customers and watch in amazement how the little ones grow into adulthood. It is where I grew up and was taught the value of earning an honest living. My sister and I were her employees, so we had to show up for work every weekend. Not only did Flo’s Snack Shop serve as my training facility, it was a family business that had been handed down from my maternal grandparents.

Both of my parents were born and raised in Southeast Arkansas, but like many others, migrated north in search of a better life. My sister and I were born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and spent our early childhood surrounded by aunts, uncles and cousins. My dad decided he’d had enough of the cold weather and we moved to Montrose in 1978 and it was then that my parents bought/inherited the family business. Flo’s Snack Shop evolved from The North End Café which evolved from Slade’s Grocery. My grandfather, George Slade, was a forward thinking man who believed that self employment was the way to get ahead and get a piece of the American pie. This was evident by watching the business go through many stages as times changed. I guess it is for that reason that I am a bit sad, but not sad enough to carry the torch. I’m quite comfortable working for someone else and the fact that I will get paid regardless of how many kids walk through the library’s doors. My mom and dad have decided to remodel the store and rent it out to people for special events, such as parties. This is great because we have our family reunion coming up in July and the building we’ve rented for the past two is booked the weekend of our event, so we now have an alternate plan. Funny how things work out.

When my parents moved the store next door to their house, there were many neighbors that watched and made sure she was safe. Since that time, Ms. M., Mr. S, Ms. K and Ms D. have passed on and nowadays people just don’t have the concern for others. She has stated how blessed she has been throughout the years that no physical harm has come her way and it is time to let it go. I can understand that. I miss Flo’s Snack Shop, but hey, I have many memories.

Listen!

2007-01-10T06:34:00.000-08:00

I recently saw the movie Dreamgirls and it is now one of my favorites. I think I feel this way because I could identify with all three of the female lead characters. I saw myself in Effie as she struggled with having her talent discounted by the man who claim he loved her. I saw myself in Lorrell, whose insecurities led her to believe that she deserved seconds. But the strongest connection was with Deena, her innocence and naivety exploited by a control freak. Jamie Foxx does an excellent job of portraying Curtis Taylor, Jr. Curtis manipulated everything and everyone around him and quickly has Deena under his thumb and uses the excuse of love to control and dominate her. My heart went out to her as he told her that the reason he chose her to sing lead was because her singing had no personality and he felt he could mold her. I saw her shrink and I knew that feeling.

Many times people judge women in abusive and controlling relationships. They think the women are weak and should just leave, but clearly it is not always that easy. As seen in this movie, Curtis was her source-- financially and mentally. Throughout the years of their marriage his mind games led her to believe that she was who she was because of him. It's not until she is singing the song Listen that she realizes what has happened to her and begins to stand up for herself. That song is so powerful. I have Beyonce's CD and although I heard the song, I never really listened to the words until after I saw the movie. Check them out:

Listen, To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start But can't complete
Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release
Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned Into your own all cause you won't Listen....

[Chorus]Listen,I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh, Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died So long ago
Ohh I'm free now and my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned Into your own All cause you won't Listen...

[Chorus]I don't know where I belong
But i'll be movin on
If you don't....If you won't....LISTEN...
To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start But I will complete
Oh,Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own...

Deena realizes that she is more that Curtis has lead her to believe she is and that she has her own dreams and ambitions. It is her defining moment. I remember my defining moment and I just thank God it came before there was any physical harm. My mental and emotional state were not in great shape, but I am an overcomer and I find strength in the words of that song. I had a relaspe recently and let someone else's opinion cause doubt in a decision I made. It took a couple of days for me to realize that I was letting that person control me by focusing on his words. I had to repent and thank God for blessing me as He has. I also called my biggest supporters and let their words of encouragement soak into my psyche. I thank God for placing so many postive people in my life who LISTEN.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-03T15:56:00.000-08:00

I'm back from another trip, we spent five nights and four days in Arkansas and I feel like I've gained fifty pounds. My mom's three sisters and two nieces were visiting from Wisconsin and we spent days talking, laughing and eating. As we prepared breakfast each morning, we'd plan the menu for the day and many times sampled dishes as they were finished. My favorite meal was cooked on New Year's Eve. We had my dad's fried chicken, my aunt's sweet potato souffle, and I even made a skillet of fried cabbage and baked the cornbread. In a close second place is the trip the Mexican restaurant in Lake Village, I had flautas and a wonderful Pina Colada, the salsa and chips were tasty and the kids got a belly full and didn't touch their entrees. Third place, the barbeque New Year's meal. My dad grilled chicken, hot links and bratwurts to go with the corn on the cob, field peas, baked beans, potato salad and deviled eggs. YUM!

I didn't spend all my time eating, I visited family and friends and went out on a date New Year's Eve! I had a great time and who knows, we might even go out again. I got to see family and friends and my kids' grandmother and aunt came and picked them up for two days! They enjoyed themselves and came back with more stuffed animals. They are going to drive me insane with the puppetry!

2006 was a great year! I have been so fortunate and blessed and look forward to the challenges and changes of the new year. For now, I have to get rid of the pounds I packed on during the Holiday Season.

Happy Holidays

2006-12-28T06:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I survived Christmas, bring on New Year's Eve! My last day of work was December 19th and I was really looking forward to Christmas Break this year. I have lots of plans for my house and I wanted to spend a few days painting, along with moving and arranging furniture. My plans have been put on hold because the first few days included babysitting a friend of DQ. I don't mind because I know how it is to be new in town and wary of entrusting the little ones to just anybody. Little did I know that I would be subject to a giggle fest and cries of hunger throughout the day. I'm not kidding-- I didn't know girls could eat so much. This friend got an Ipod for Christmas, which led DQ on a mission to beg, cry and plead for one as well. She tried to explain the many benefits of the Ipod, but I refuse to listen, the price alone in enough for an automatic NO! I bought DQ a MP3 player for Christmas last year-- it is now in my possession because she never used it. She assured me the Ipod is much cooler and you can do much more than listen to music and audiobooks. The begging and crying and "I'm not going to talk to you until you give in" went on for a few days, but I didn't give in and much to my delight, neither did her dad. We've spent hundreds on dollar on gadgets only to see them bite the dust in a few weeks. I bought her gift in October and after much snooping she already knew what is was and had the nerve to ask me to return it for an Ipod. Now, it was just the principle of the matter-- no Ipod.

We spent Christmas in OKC, visiting their dad and my sister and family and had a good time. I braved the rush and went to the malls, Target and Wal-Mart both Saturday and Sunday and to my surprise, it wasn't as bad as I'd expected. Maybe because all of my purchases had been made and I could just walk around and look at all the panic and mayhem. The kids were excited and stayed up until 12:00 am Sunday night in anticipation of opening gifts, but we didn't let them. They eventually fell asleep and we had to wake them up Christmas morning! After opening the gifts and having a dinner of barbeque chicken and fried cabbage (YUM!) we ventured out to see Dreamgirls. This movie was 2 1/2 hours and I thought the kids would get restless, but we loved it! The all-star cast did a wonderful job and I'm still singing, And I'm Telling You, I'm Not Going.

I made it home yesterday and I'm gearing up for a trip to Arkansas tomorrow. All of my mom's sisters came to visit from Milwaukee, so I'm going over to mess with them. My mom also informed me that my cousin is planning another fish fry for New Year's Eve, so you all know I'm headed over.

Moving, moving, moved!

2006-12-15T11:51:00.000-08:00

I recently became a homeowner and although I felt like I'd done everything but give blood, the paperwork was the easy part. The original date for closing was scheduled for December 20th, but thankfully it was moved up to the 8th. This would give me time to get utilities on, clean and get things situated at a slower pace. It was during this time that I had to find someone to help me move. My coworkers are great and offered trucks, cars, babysitting services and a son (to help move stuff.) I was told about one of my colleagues that has a moving business on the side and I approached him with a smile to ask if he could help me and he assured that he would.

Well, during the latter part of November and early December I'd been helping one of the football coaches with a PowerPoint demonstration and what started out small ending up being a tremendous project. I told him about my moving dilemma and he offered to round up a couple of the players and "knock it out" for me. It would be his way of paying me back.

Since I was bartering, I decided I'd help them out by having all the things I wanted them to move in the living and dining rooms. So I took the beds apart, took the dining table apart and squeezed two bedrooms of furniture in the living room. When the guys showed up, I opened the door and their first reaction was, "Whooo, I didn't realize we'd be moving so much stuff! I didn't come prepared to work up a sweat." Even the coach was surprised, but I quickly assured them it wasn't as bad as it looked. I'm sure I'll have to hear the coaches mouth from now until Christmas Break! I must say the guys were very nice and had everything moved in less than an hour! It only took two trips to get everything in the house. They loaded the truck and the SUV (driven by one of the guys) until there was no room for anything but air. I told the guys I'd cook dinner for them next semester and they quickly requested lasagne. I told them to make sure they stop by the library to let me know when they wanted to have dinner. I thanked them and they told me it was no trouble and although they talked a lot of noise, they didn't mind helping me. Man, have I missed that southern hospitality!

I now have small things to move and hope to finish up this weekend. I'm so excited about my house that I think I'm running on adrenaline. My thoughts are consumed with projects-- I plan on painting the bathroom, I have border to put up in DQ's room, I have yardwork to do... My last day of work will be Tuesday, December 19th and I can't wait!

Home for the holidays

2006-11-26T15:32:00.000-08:00

Well, I survived the Thanksgiving holiday. But, I must say I needed a vacation from my vacation. Thanksgiving Break started with packing clean clothes, dirty clothes, electronics to keep everyone occupied during the drive to Arkansas, and food. My wonderful children lost the car adapter for the DVD player, so I had to charge the battery. It took eight hours to charge the battery and it went dead after only two hours, so I had to listen to fighting, bickering and whining for the duration of the trip. I tried to tune them out as I sang along on with the music from my MP3 player, but they refused to let me enjoy. I finally had to stop because all I heard at one point were shouts of MAMA!

Well, we arrived in Arkansas early Wednesday afternoon and they got their bikes out and asked everyone about a million times when my sister and her family would arrive. They got there about two hours later and the fun began. As they played in my mom's store, it sounded like a group of fifty kids-- there were only five of them. The noise level continued throughout the entire stay and thankfully I had a new supply of Exedrin.

Thanksgiving Day found me at the table of three different families. Since my mom was taking forever (sounds like something DQ would say), I called a friend of the family and LP and I walked over and enjoyed a wonderful meal. We had smoked ham, fried turkey, greens, potato salad, dressing and a few more things I can't think of. We walked back to my mom's where I tried the dressing with cranberry sauce...pretty good. Later that evening, I stopped by a girlfriend's place and tried the cheesecake, it was so good I went by later that night to get another slice. I really overate, but hey, Thanksgiving only comes once a year.

Friday-- picture day. We dressed the kid in black and white and decided to take them the park for pictures. The park is decorated with Christmas lights and such and made an attractive background. The kids were excited, well, we thought they were. LP said she couldn't look at us or smile because the sun was in her eyes. We tried to move them to another spot, but she refused to cooperate and by this time nephew #1 said the sun was in his eyes too. They started rubbing them and now they were red and watery. I think we managed to get a couple of pictures-- who knows! Maybe we should've just gone to Sears!

Saturday morning-- time to get ready for the Christmas parade. My mom wanted something to represent her business. She owns a small convenience store in town. Our float plans changed and our theme was "Cooking Up Holiday Fun." My sister bought aprons and chef hats for the five kiddos and my dad found old stove. We had a few hours to get everything decorated because thankfully, the time of parade was changed from 10:00 am to 3:00 pm. The kids were very agreeable to the hats and aprons and they loved throwing out candy. In fact, I think a few people may have bruises from the candy hitting them. Our plan to end the domination worked...we won first place! The kids were exciting and so were the locals, finally someone else won. Can't wait until next year.

So, now I'm at home and after a much needed nap I have tons of clothes and gadgets to unpack. Only four more weeks to Winter Break. Well, at least it's about three weeks long and maybe I can get a much needed vacation.

I'm thankful for...

2006-11-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

As the Thanksgiving holiday nears, I try to remember to be thankful. After receiving a phone call yesterday from DQ's Language Arts teacher, I tried to focus on the fact that she can talk, even though I was informed that she is talking too much. It seems she has been moved three times since school started, but the problem persists. She talks through the lecture and when it's time for her to do her assigment, she doesn't understand how to do it. No kidding. As any good parent would do, I prayed not to hurt her when I got home. I prayed for patience, understanding and wisdom on how to handle the situation. As many of us know, when we pray for patience, God grants it and it is immediately tested. I've found it almost impossible to reason with DQ. She refuses to take responsibility for her actions and seems to think life is supposed to be fair. I've explained several times that life is not fair and the earlier she realizes it, the earlier she will find peace. So, after about two hours of fussing, screaming and talking, we came to an understanding that she is to go to school, sit, listen, do her work and talk only when it's appropriate. We ended with her writing an apology to her teacher. This morning her mood was somber, so hopefully things will get better. I really am thankful to have three beautiful, healthy, vibrant children.

Not only am I thankful for my children, I'm thankful for my family, no matter how wacky and crazy we can be. This includes my mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law and nephews. It seems we'll all be at my parent's for the holiday and my mom informed me that all of her grandchildren are going to help her prepare the meal, now that should be interesting. The children range in age from eleven to four, three boys and two girls. She also informed me that she needs an updated photo of all of her grandchildren. About four years ago, my sister and I decided to the kids and have a portrait taken for my parents for Christmas. It took two trips to the photographer. Trip #1: Nephew 2 didn't want to take his pacifier out of his mouth, there was a car as a prop and four of the five wanted to sit in the car, LP was eight months old and wanted no one to hold her, BUT we got a picture...Trip #2: Everyone was in a good mood and we didn't want any props, so they sat according to height and LP was on her belly, much better. As my sister and I thought about what it took to get the first one done, we decided that we would just go to the park and take pictures in the gazebo, have them developed and frame and mat it ourselves.

We have also decided we are going to enter the Christmas parade in Montrose. The parade is sponsored by the Montrose Development Council and it made up of individuals of a certain family. It seems every year members of this particular family win the cash prizes for best floats/cars in the parade. My sister and I have decided that is going to end this year and we have plans to enter my mom's store in the parade. I was excited about it until I got this elaborate diagram of the float from my sister. At the top of her diagram she wrote, "I know I have too much time on my hands." As I looked at the fireplace and the Christmas tree, I started to rethink the float thing. Thankfully, there has been a change of plans and we are going to do a Christmas cooking theme. I'll be sure to take plenty of photos from both events.

I am so grateful that I am actually looking forward to spending some time with my family. I know there are those who hate the holidays because they are forced to spend time with their families. I feel so blessed that my family is wacky and funloving and no one gets (too) upset about anything. We take a licking and keep on ticking!

Reading is fundamental!

2006-11-12T15:51:00.000-08:00

Today I put another book in my "to be read" (tbr) stack and wondered if I'd every finish any of them. I currently have two tbr stacks, one in the house and one in my car. I like to keep books in my presence because I never know when I'll have some down time and whenever I get the chance, I read.

My mom oftens wonders how I can read three to four books at a time, but any avid reader knows that we must have a book on hand at all times. I took a brief break from reading and now I'm back in full swing. I look at my stacks and wonder what in the world I was thinking to allow my reading to laspe, if even for a short time.

As I think about reading and my love for it, I tried to remember when I became a reader and who influenced this love. I remember my mom always taking my sister and I to the local library. She also had us in book clubs and we looked forward to receiving our monthly box of books, we still have some of those books and I've tried to pass them on to my kids...that's another story.

I took a turn and during the teen years my attention was on the usual stuff, ball games and hanging out. I do remember my eleventh grade teacher, Mrs. Smith, had a reading list, but what sixteen year old is interested in "The Scarlet Letter" and "The Great Gatsby"? I did find "The Lord of the Flies", "A Separate Peace "and "Jonathan Livingston's Seagull" quite interesting, but they didn't pique my interest to continue reading. Then came college and who had time to read with classes and parties going on. I was living too much to spend time reading! Having come from a small rural town in Southeast AR to a fairly large town in Northwest AR, I had to explore and that left no time for reading.

After I graduated from college, I spent some time unemployed and with nothing else to do in Montrose, I started reading. I went to the local library and discovered mystery and suspense and that is where my love affair began. I visited all the libraries in the area, since they were part of the same library sytem, I could use my card at each one and I learned about new authors. Not only that, I started reading and learning about African American authors and fell in love with Terry McMillan, Alice Walker, Walter Mosely, Connie Briscoe, Eric Jerome Dickey, and E. Lynn Harris.

I'd been such a frequent visitor to the libraries in area that when a position was available, I was recommended. From there, I started reading an abundance of authors and customers turned me on to James Patterson, Sue Grafton, Sidney Sheldon, Iris Johansen, Nancy Taylor Rosenberg, John Sandford, and Patricia Cornwell. I couldn't get enough. I've read just about everything these authors have written and I'm continually exploring new ground.

I'm finding that my reading interests is changing and that I'm more interested in nonfiction lately. I'm currently reading "Dreams of My Father" by Barack Obama. After reading about him in Time magazine and watching him on Oprah, I was struck by his sincerity and his dream of a bipartism government. I also want to read it before I move on to his second book, The Audacity of Hope."

I'm also reading, "The Teacher Who Couldn't Read" by John H Corcoran. I will be leading the discussion of this book at our monthly reading roundtable this month. Our group is made of several educators and teachers and I know it will be a lively event. Mr. Corcoran passed through the system and even graduated from college unable to read. There are skeptics and many doubters, but I believe Mr. Corcoran was a very smart man who had the ability to learn and manipulate people and circumstances to his advantage. Although this story takes place in the 1940s and 50s, it is still a timely book and makes readers wonder about the state of our educational system. I work with students who don't have the ability to read on a tenth grade level, but are in college expected to read and understand textbooks chapters at a time. The blame is passed around from teachers to parents to the students themselves, but until we all take responsibility for educating our children, the problem will not be solved.

In my stack, I also have "This Much I know for Sure" by Tavis Smiley. I read the first chapter and decided I needed to read further. Denzel Washington's, "A Hand to Guide Me." I even have a fiction book, E. Lynn Harris' "I Say a Little Prayer" just because I am such a huge fan.

So as I ponder when it was I began to become of lover of books, I have to say it was inbreded in me since childhood. No, my mom recently told me she read to me while she was pregnant with me. I guess we can hear our mom's voices in the womb. I'm trying to pass my love for books to my children and I think they'll take the same course I took. DQ is at the age where she is reading because she has to have a certain number of A/R points. LB is a the curious age, so whenever he asks a question about something, I bring a book home and he can read and learn about it. LP is four, so she loves to be read to and I enjoy reading to her. I love the smile and enthusiasm she displays as I read and get animated.

Two of my favorite quotes deal with reading.

"What is reading but silent conversation?"-- Walter Savage Landor

"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."-- Mark Twain

I love my job!

2006-11-09T06:46:00.000-08:00

I'm often asked how I like my life in Senatobia and I quickly inform the curious that I love it! I grew up in a small town and once I moved here, I realized how much I missed the hospitality and I'm close enougth to Southaven/Memphis if I need access to a larger city. My daughters (and now son) have adjusted well and are thriving in school and socially. Life if great!
Perhaps the most important thing that has made this a very smooth transition is that I love my job! I look forward to going in every morning to find out what challenges lie ahead. My experience is in public libraries, but I'm finding that it's not much different. Okay, I admit, sometimes I'm a bit oblivious to the noise level.

One of the reasons why I love my job so much is because I work with great people. I felt like I've been knowing everyone a long time and I appreciate everything everyone's done to make this a smooth transition for me and my family.

My job is so rich and rewarding. I remember when I was growing up, I always wanted to be a teacher. As I entered college, I realized that a career in teaching would not garner a sizeable salary, so I majored in Business. The business world is very cutthroat and I soon found myself jobless. As a newlywed with a new baby, I needed a job and so I began work at the small public library. I loved it, I'd finally found my calling. So when I moved to Oklahoma City, I started library school and finished in 2004. During that time I was still with a public library and I'd switched from public service to technical services. I was beginnning to miss the interaction with customers and was gettting antsy from sitting all day. When I realized that I needed to leave the state, I searched high and low for a job and came across an ad for a technical services librarian at NWCC. As any librarian would do, I immediately did some research, made a few calls and sent in my application. As I drove from OKC to Senatobia, I was so nervous! As I was driving through Memphis, I got lost and had to call and inform them that I would be a little late, the sweat was pouring. Once I got to my interview, I quickly relaxed and had a great time. I can honestly say, it was one of the best interview I've had.

I found out I would be a faculty member and would do some bibliographic teaching and it seemed that my long lost dream of teaching was coming true. I know I groan and moan about the orientation classes, but I love it! I love a challenge and it is truly that, trying to keep the students awake and interested, yet get the information to them is tough. I love to interact with the students and let them know that I'm here to help them be successful. I leave my door open so they can walk in any time and ask questions. I have a few that come through and just talk about life and that's okay too. College is a major adjustment and sometimes they need someone to talk to. I love cataloging, not only do I touch every book that comes through the library, I'm constantly learning by browsing the contents and reading through the texts.

Okay, that's enough. But can you tell: I LOVE MY JOB?!

Internet buyers...beware

2006-11-08T14:37:00.000-08:00

Imagine getting a call from your bank asking that you verify a purchase and when they tell you the amount and the merchant, you have no idea what he is talking about. This very thing happened to me early Friday afternoon. The amount– $1045, the merchant– somewhere in Mexico. I was told that since I wasn’t trying to make the purchase, my debit card had been compromised and was no longer valid, I needed to cut it up and wait 5-7 days for a replacement. He verified a few more purchases to make sure those were valid, asked me if I had any questions and the call ended. I was horrified– I am THE spokesperson for online bill paying. I’ve told people it’s more secure than paying by check, because checks pass through many hands and the account information as well as personal information is right there in plain sight. I use my debit card for everything because it’s so convenient and I don’t like to carry cash, what am I going to do now? I went on about my day thankful that the bank caught it and didn’t debit my account. I went to the bank, got some cash and went on my merry way to enjoy the weekend in Arkansas.

Fast forward Wednesday morning, I log-in and check my account and I see a (135.00), I’m in the hole! I check my transactions and what’s there, a debit for $1045 to SamsTuxtla! I immediately call the bank to find out what the heck is going on. I was informed that I had to go to my local branch to fill out a dispute form. I go and talk to a bank representative and ask her how this could happen after I informed them that I did not authorize the payment. She told me it depends on the merchant, sometimes they can catch it, sometimes not. They can do nothing until the customer comes in to dispute the purchase. She then got a list of the checks/amount I’d written, so they would pay them. I then breathed a sigh of relief, at least I wouldn’t have any rubber checks bouncing around. She assured me that it would take about three days to have my account credited and she would call as soon as it was done.

The internet has been a blessing and a curse. I love the convenience of paying bills online, but I’ve learned a valuable lesson about using my debit card for all of my online purchases. Some of the merchants will do a check my mail and with those they don’t save personal information, it has to be entered each time the bill is paid. I’ll stick with that route. I only have a few dollars and I don’t want the hustlers and criminals to have them.

It’s been a weird day and my supervisor informed me that things usually happens in threes. The first thing, this morning as we were going into the hall bathroom, we noticed the floor was wet. When I turned on the light, the floor was covered in water. Second, my account is drained. Third, when I called the office, they came by to look at it, but don’t have a wet-dry vacuum, so I had to clean it up by hand.

It’s hard to believe today is Wednesday, feels more like a Monday or better yet, Friday, the 13th.

My Body is a Temple

2006-11-08T10:11:00.000-08:00

Today I cataloged a book titled, “The Real Skinny on Weight Loss Surgery” and as I browsed through, I wondered, why would anyone want to do such a thing? The authors of the book had “positive” experiences and success with their gastric surgery, but write about the nightmares and negative experiences of others in an effort to educate readers on what to do to have a successful surgery. As I thumbed through the first few chapters, I learned about the side effects, after effects and assembly line facilities and my question remained. I realize we live in a society that is obsessed with weight, but to alter what God created to lose weight is beyond my comprehension. I realize there are people who have struggled since childhood with this issue, but there has got be a better way.

I’ve always been a bit on the “thick” side and a few times I’ve been downright chubby, so I know what it’s like to be depressed and discouraged about having excess weight. I also know what it is like to be “skinny”, although it was for a relatively short time, and I can honestly say, if life sucks when you’re fat, no amount of weight loss will cause the suckiness to disappear, that comes from within. I remember being a size 7/8 and hating my life. I am now comfortable size 9/10-11/12 and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, what happened? I grew up and realized that happiness comes from within. I try to take care of myself to the best of my ability, that included making a lifestyle change and with that change came weight loss and just a general healthy feeling.

The change began to take place as my faith in God grew. I came across the scripture, Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1st Corinthians 6:19-20 and that changed the way I treated my body. Many times as Christians we choose not to smoke or drink, but neglect to honor our bodies by eating properly and exercising consistently. My first step was to educate myself on what it meant to eat properly. I quickly learned that my diet consisted of too many processed foods and way too much sugar. I also learned that red meat has a lot of saturated fat, so my first steps included eating more whole grains and eliminating red meat from my diet. I knew this was something I couldn’t do overnight, so I did it gradually and it made the transition easier. I started substituting turkey for beef and instead of sugary cereal and muffins for breakfast, I started having oatmeal. Once that change was consistent, I started eating meat once a day. If I had meat in my meal at lunch, I’d prepare a meatless dinner and vice versa. I started drinking my eight glasses of water a day and within a week, my energy level increased. I could see positive changes in my life. Next came the hard part, finding an exercise routine that I could fit in my schedule. My cousin suggested I try Leslie Sansone’s Walk Away the Pounds. One try and I was hooked, I now own at least seven tapes and DVDs which I do faithfully. I try to squeeze in as much exercise as possible and sometimes go for a mile walk on my lunch break, it is such a stress buster. I take my mp3 player and walk and sing the mile away. There are times when I have a hamburger or candy, but I don’t beat myself up. I try to enjoy everything in moderation, too much of anything is not good.

I talk with my mom about my lifestyle change a lot and ask her when she is going to start her new journey. She told me she has to pray about it and I reminded her that prayer without works is dead. As I thumbed through that book this morning, it reminded me that our society is into quick. We want everything instantly, forgetting that anything worth having is worth working for.

Family matters!

2006-11-07T07:43:00.000-08:00

I spent another weekend in Arkansas, but this time around, I was surrounded by family. My cousin MW, called me about three weeks ago and told me to mark my calendar because on November 4th, he was going to have a fish fry to celebrate his new job making big bucks. Okay, everyone knows I’m sucker for free food, so I was hooked immediately. On November 3rd, I packed up the kids and we headed for Arkansas. The kids watched movies and I listened to uninterrupted music on my MP3 player, life was grand.

The fish fry was fun, everyone in town stopped by to say hi, grab some food and just hang out. My cousin is bachelor and his house is a testament. There is a pool table in the living room and the den is consumed by a couch, chair and entertainment center with everything connected to the television, so imagine the women in the house trying to change the radio station and adjust the volume—we were totally screwed up. I had a good time, but once the card game started, I was out. Nothing worse than watching and listening to a card game, especially when they are playing for money and the beer is consumed like water.

My mom told me my dad was wondering why I came all the way to Montrose for a fish fry and she told him that I was coming for the food, but I also wanted to spend some time with my family, couldn’t have said it better myself. My dad lost his oldest sister in December 2004 and when I saw cousins at the funeral that I hadn’t seen in over twenty years, I realized that I need to keep in touch. I think most of the family members there felt the same because we revived our family reunions. I missed the 2005 reunion in Dallas, but we had a blast at the 2005 reunion in Peoria, IL. I love my family and as I’ve gotten older, I realized how important it is to keep the bonds tight.

So on my way home Sunday evening I began to think about family. I started thinking about my immediate family—my three precious children and how thankful I am that they are healthy, vibrant and active. I realized that I need to do all I can to help them be successful, productive citizens. As I lay in bed that night, I began to devise a plan and daily schedule to focus on my kids and their needs. This week is going to be our pilot week of turning off the television from 4:00-5:00 and focus on homework. Day 1 was pretty successful, we’ll see how it goes…

I want my DST!

2006-10-30T06:29:00.000-08:00

I love Autumn, it brings about change and change is good. The leaves on the trees change colors, the new television season begins, exciting football games, and a break from the three digit temps with cooler weather. There is one little thing that happens, that as a single mother I hate-- the end of daylight savings time. As the days begin to get shorter in mid-September, I begin to enter a state of somberness. I mean, in the Spring and Summer, the kids go out and play until dusk and then when they come in, they eat, bathe, watch a little tv and they're off to bed! Now when they come in, I look at the clock and it's only 5:30! How do I entertain them and keep my sanity for the next three hours?! Helping with homework is not the answer, it causes major problems, more for me than them.

So Friday I started brainstorming on fun, creative ways to keep my children occupied. We started the weekend by doing some shopping in Southaven, followed by a thrilling trip to Chuck E. Cheese's. I love CEC, it's worth every bit of the overpriced pizza and tokens. I can take my kids, buy 100 tokens and enjoy my book of the moment while they run around like crazy. I can actually enjoy the pizza while I read as my kids take five seconds pauses from the fun to eat and drink. When we got home, they were exhausted-- mission accomplished, only four months left. The next day, we did a little grocery shopping and when they asked for the movie, "Over the Hedge" I gave in, thinking they could watch that when we got home and I could take a much needed nap. When we got home, I popped the DVD in and immediately LP and LB were in a trance and I was off to my bed for a little shut eye. That DVD kept them occupied for most of the afternoon with special features. We finished the day by doing a few more errands and watching television. I was still tired, so I decided I'd sleep in the next day instead of going to church.

Sunday morning-- we all wake up at 8:30, no, it's actually 7:30 because of the time change. As LP and LB play the tickle game in the bed with me, I realize that I probably should go to church. It's going to be a long day, and going to church will kill at least four hours. So we get dressed, go to church and out to eat. We get home at 1:30-- seven more hours. I try to do some work on the computer, but I'm constantly asked, "Can we watch Over the Hedge." Isn't it funny how the very things we buy to entertain our kids can drive us crazy? So as they watched the movie for the tenth time that weekend, I finished my book.

I love my kids more than life itself and often feel guilty about my lack of patience. I don't know how to entertain my kids without the activity becoming a screaming match. I am fasicinated by my sister who plays games, does crafts, cooks and even gets in the kiddie pool with her boys. How does she do that? I know every parent is different and what works for one may not necessarily work for the other. I have four months to go and last night we watched "The Flavor of Love Reunion" episode together. Am I a bad parent or what?

What gamblers want?

2006-10-29T13:47:00.000-08:00

I live in Northwest Mississippi and most of the time when I tell people the name of my small town, they inform they don't have a clue where it is located. I then explain that I'm 32 miles south of Memphis and 25 miles east of Tunica. Tunica-- everyone has heard of gamblers paradise. Since I've been here, I've seen a lot of commercials for the casinos, but my favorite is the Horseshoe. In sixty seconds or less, different "gamblers" tell viewers what they love about this casino and at the end, a voice tells us that they have what gamblers want. How inviting is that?

The Mississippi Library Association held its annual conference in Tunica October 25-27, but not at the Horseshoe, it was at the Grand Casino and Resort. The excitement was in the air, the conference was cancelled last year because of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I was excited because this would be my first MLA conference and I looked forward to networking and meeting new people. I hadn't been to Tunica since I first moved to MS in July 2006, but I knew that the casinos are not actually in Tunica, they are in Robinsonville (about 10 miles), they are in Tunica county. Anyway, as I drove down highway 61 my mood was bright eventhough it was rainy and wet. Because I assumed that the casinos were all in one area, I didn't bother to print driving directions, so when I began to panic I had to call to get the exact directions to the Grand. I made my turn on Grand Parkway and nothing could have prepared me for the "grandness" that awaited. I admit, I hadn't been to a casino in eight years and I was pleasantly surprised. First of all, it was a resort in every sense of the word. Not only were there two hotels, there was a convention center, a golf course and even a kids quest. The driver of the shuttle bus informed us that the kids quest is where they train the kids. The casino itself sits off on a hill and has all the magnificence of a castle (pictured below).

So I attended my workshops that morning and was starving by 12:00 p.m. I didn't want to drive anywhere, so I hopped on the shuttle and headed over to the casino in search of lunch. Upon entering, I was in awe of the activity! The bright lights, the ching, ching, ching of the slot machines, the cheers, the cursing...wow! Anyway, I finally found a nice little joint in the back of the casino and as I settled in to enjoy my fresh cooked catfish, I read a sign on the wall. It informed readers that the Grand was the spot and at the bottom of the sign there was a number for Gamblers Anonymous, how ironic.

Friday, the conference ended at 12:00 and one of the presenters informed us she was off to play. She was from Atlanta and had been looking forward to her chance to win some dough. Her enthusiasm rubbed off on me and I found myself casing the casino in search for the winning slot machine. I sat down at a nickel machine with the theme of supermarket sweep-- too complicated. I then made my way to a quarter slot machine and loaded my five bucks in-- 20 quarters. I played for five minutes and all my quarters were gone, so I loaded another five bucks in the machine and actually won eighty quarters ($20), but like most gamblers I played it back plus ten dollars more. I was $20 in the hole in less than thirty minutes! I left that place quick, fast and in a hurry. I have vowed to NEVER go to another casino. The need to win is so great that you find yourself sliding in bill after bill. I laugh now, but at the time all I could think about was the pair of shoes I could've bought one of my kids.

(Don't) pass it on...

2006-10-25T09:53:00.000-07:00

Am I the only person who is inundated with the email messages that encourge passing it on to be blessed or receive good luck? Frankly, I'm tired of "Christians" passing these messages along. As a believer, I don't "believe" in good luck. I believe we are truly blessed everyday that we are on the earth. I don't have to pass on an email message to prove that I'm a believer or to receive God's mercy. Why can't we just show our faith in our daily lives instead of always trying to put on a show? I hear people talk about their church all the time, but won't help a fellow brother/sister in need. I see people on their way to church or coming from church who look like they've been sucking on lemons. I receive tons of inspirational messages from the same people who pass on the smuck as well. Instead of trying to prove we are Christians by passing on emails, let's show some love to ALL mankind. 1 Corinthians 13:13 states,
"And now abideth faith, hope, charity(love), these three; but the greatest of these is charity."

With that being said, I want to encourage all to stop passing on messages that play on emotions. This week, I have received the "Is Jesus the only way to God, Oprah say No!" message about ten times. I listened and no, I don't agree with Oprah's point of view, but I refuse to pass it on for several reasons. (1.) By looking at the hair, clothes and stage, I can tell the clip is dated, which means (2) The views expressed by Oprah then don't necessarily means she feels the same way now, people grow, learn and evolve ; (3) Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions, she will be held accountable for her beliefs whether right or wrong ; (4) What good will passing on the message bring? ; (5) Let's get involved and upset about something that really matters, like drugs, crime, education, etc. Who cares what Oprah thinks?! As a believer I know what I believe and what Oprah has to say about it won't change it. I think Christians are too reactive and need to be proactive. Oh yeah, don't forget about the conspiracy messages as well, not everything is a race issue.

So the next time you get that message that makes your blood boil, check the facts and find out what is really going on before you pass it on.

Whew....Pig Soieeeeeee!!!

2006-10-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful weekend in Arkansas! I left to visit my parents Friday evening after work and stayed until Sunday afternoon. I left AR in a better mood than when I arrived. Montose, AR is a small town located in the Southeast part of the state. It is about 35 miles from Greenville, Mississippi and 20 miles from the Louisiana state line. The population is about 500 and you can tour the town in about five minutes. It's a town where everyone knows everyone, but don't be fooled, it has its share of excitement on a weekly basis.

I'd been feeling a bit down during the week because I have no family and friends in Senatobia. I guess I was a little lonely and starved for adult conversation. I got that and more as I arrived in Montrose. When we got to town I noticed that the streets were deserted and I wondered what was going on. My mom informed that everyone was at the football game in Lake Village. Lake Village is about 12 miles from Montrose and most of the locals attend school there, as I did. I decided I would go to the game and I took LB and LP with me, DQ decided to stay with her Granny. The game was fun, my little ones wanted to hit the concession stand as soon as we walked through the gate, so we made our purchases and took our seat. We sat with the Montrose folks and joined in with the cheering. The game was exciting, but it was cold! When the opposing team scored their third touchdown, we decided to leave, frozen toes and all. When we got back to Montrose, my cell phone rang and my weekend of compliments did too.

With Montrose being a small town, most of the people are kids and older adults, not much in between. It seems there is a shortage of attractive women because I have been hit on by men of all ages. I must admit, the attention is fun. Who doesn't like to be told they are beautiful?! Well, it is kind of creepy to have older men telling you to call them, but to have 26 and 29 year olds ask for a date is kind of flattering. I know what you're thinking...why in the world would someone my age even give them the time of day?! Because it's fun to talk to and get to know people of all ages. Please be assured that I am not interested in any kind of romantic relationship with a 20 something. I always tell them that I'm too old for them, but they insist age is nothing but a number. Conversations with these guys are quite interesting. I've learned about one guy's culinary skills, another's military skills and another's travels to Mexico. They seem genuinely interested in my interests and I think I've led one to start reading mysteries. There is substance to our conversations, those who know me know that I can't stand shallowness (is that a word?)

As I was talking to one guy, he told me that I should never cut my hair. What is it with Black men and hair?! Personally, the only reason I haven't chopped it off is because I love to pull in back into a ponytail. Anyway, he went on to say that I am supermodel status. I informed him that I'm 37 years old. He said my self esteem is too low and all I have to do is look in the mirror every morning and see a beautiful face. He told me that not only am I beautiful physcially, but I have a "banging" personality. I don't I have a self esteem problem, I just don't think of myself as beautiful. I think that is one of the things that make people more attractive...the ability to be real and realize true beauty comes from within. But I am human and I do like the compliments. Sometimes I think they are feeding me a bunch of crap, but nonetheless, the attention is fun.

So, as we drove home on Sunday I had things and words to think about. My children were exhausted from two days of riding bikes, playing basketball, picking up pecans and watching Disney channel. I was refreshed mentally and physically, ready to start another week. Oh yeah, it was good to see my parents too.

It's beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart.-- Anonymous

It's a conspiracy

2006-10-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

I don't consider myself a dumb person, but after helping my kids with their homework last night I was exhausted. I have Bachelor and Master degrees, but second grade math homework had me stumped. My son and I had no problem coming up with sentences for his vocabulary words. "The dinosaur is enormous." "My dad is strong." We breezed right through. He didn't have a problem with the addition on the math page, but then we came to four numbers and we had to write them in expanded form. What the heck is expanded form?! What purpose does it serve? I had to call in DQ to explain expanded form and I call her drama queen for a reason. After a ten minute demonstration we finally finished his homework. So, I've come to the conclusion that the education system is conspiring to kill parents. Think about it, the fundraisers, the parent/teacher conferences, field trips, holiday breaks, money for everything, and now homework. What happened the basic math problems of addition, subtraction, multiplication, division and fractions? Why fix what is not broke? I guess I should go back and get my degree in education or maybe just take some courses in the field.

Once I finished helping LB, I went on to DQ. DQ waited until 4:00 Thursday afternoon to inform me that she had a project due the next day. The project-- identify and display twenty seeds for her science class. Twenty seeds! Initially, I thought I'd just let her sweat it out as a lesson against being a procrastinator. I reminded her that when she has a big project to complete she should start the day she gets the assignment, not the day before it's due. She then blamed ME for not helping her. Being the person I am, I couldn't bear the thought of my child failing and I figured it would be a reflection of my parenting skills. So at 7:45 I make a Dollar General run for markers, tape and hopefully seeds. I asked for seeds and was told they didn't have any and the guy at the register said, "Everybody has been here asking for seeds." Well, at least Brandi isn't the only procrastinator in her classs. We finished the project with 15 of the 20 seeds, well most of them were seeds. We had to be very creative in our display, we took an old poster board decorated with construction paper and wrapping paper and taped each seed to it. It ended up looking presentable and DQ was happy.

I was in bed at 9:00 totally worn out and exhausted. LP will start Kindergarten in August and I'm sure the educators will have victory when I explode due to exhaustion of trying to keep up with them in educating my children.

Politics...got to love 'em!

2006-10-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

Is it November 7th yet?! I don't live in Tennessee, but I feel like I should be able to vote. Because I live in Northwest Mississippi and my cable provider is based out of Memphis, I have been bombarded with television ads for political candidates. It seems there is going to be a tight race in Tennessee for the Senate seat that was vacated by Bill Frist, a Republican. The two candidates are Harold Ford, Jr., a Congressman who represents the Ninth District of Tennessee who is a Democrat and Bob Corker, former Mayor of Chattanooga who is a Republican. I don't consider myself a Republican or a Democrat, I try to vote for the person who shares my ideas and values. But watching the campaign of both candidates unfold has been very interesting. In the beginning, I really think Ford was trying to run a smear free campaign, but the attacks and allegations against him were overbearing and he had to come out swinging. So now, we have a full fledged smearfest. I know they are only feeding the public's appetite for rumors and dirty laundry. My question is, why are we so quick to believe the negative things about people? I wonder how many watched the televised debate between the two and based their voting decision on how they stood on key issues. One of the things I've noticed is that they both talk about how the other only looks out for himself. I've always argued that that is an issue for all politicians. I mean, can they honestly relate to me and my problems? They don't have to worry about Social Security, they get a pension for life. They don't have to worry about the many issues in education, their kids go to private schools and private universities. They don't have to worry about crime in their community, they live in gated communities...so I really question the sincerity of their representation. Although I am a cynic, I do vote because it is then I have the right to complain about the government.

One of my coworkers said she hates politics. I don't know if I feel that strongly, but I have realized that politics is a way of life. Politics are prevalent, whether it be nationally or locally. Come on, think about your job. We all know someone who is there because they knew somebody who knew somebody. I won't even talk about the politics of church. I mean, not everyone in the choir has an angelic voice.

So, I anxiously await the day of November 7th and I'm sure I'll be glued to my televsion to find out who outsmeared the other. I'll keep you posted.

Boom...boom...boom

2006-10-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

It is Wednesday, 11:46 am and I sit at my desk trying to concentrate on cataloging books, but all I hear is boom...boom...boom. My office is located at the center of the library and I can hear the vibrations of someone's music. It is very distracting, I find myself mentally going boom...boom...boom and catch myself bobbing my head to the beat. What is with these folks that think other people want to listen to their music, not to mention the vulgar lyrics?

Don't get me wrong, I love to listen to music and I do turn it up when a hear a song that I like, but I'm always in motion when I listen to it loudly. If my music is turned up when I stop at a light, I immediately turn it down. Again, it all boils down to the lack of respect that is so prevalent in our society. I don't use obscene language, so why must I be exposed to it? People have the right to listen to whatever they choose, but don't force your choices on me. We have a noise policy on campus and if enforced would cut out some of this distraction. I know some cities have policies as well and offenders and given warning and citations for violating those policies. I know people will say that it is profiling because most music bangers are young Black men, but what else can we do to stop this madness?! I'm open to any and all suggestions. By the way, I can still hear the boom...boom...boom.

Brown suede boots

2006-10-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

Like most working adults, I love the weekends. Two day to spend with my kiddos. I was especially looking forward to the past weekend. It was Homecoming and that meant free barbeque and an exciting football game. I picked up my tickets to the lunch a week early and I was telling my kids how much fun we were going to have at the game. Lunch was good, we had barbeque brisket, baked beans, potato salad, cole slaw, cookies, brownies and soda. I was stuffed because LP saw a friend and she was too excited to eat, so as any mother would do, I polished off her sandwich. After filling our bellies we walked to the football stadium to enjoy the rally and cheer on the Rangers. On our way to the stands we passed the concession stand and all three of my little ones wanted a snack. I assured them we would go back at halftime, I mean we'd just finished eating, what else could they fit in those stomachs?! We found seats next to the band, won't do that again. The band was the least of my problems, we were sitting in the sun and a breeze would come through every now and then. As we sat there being baked by the sun, I heard cries of "I'm thirsty" every five seconds. Finally, after what seemed like an endless first half, we headed to the concession stand and bought plenty of drinks to keep us hydrated for the rest of the game. The rest of the game...we left during the first part of the third quarter. I went home and crashed, my head was pounding from the drums and I think the sun drained what little energy I had. Tomorrow will be better, we'll head to the mall and Chuck E. Cheese's after church. Fun!

Sunday afternoon after church, we head to J.C. Penney's to exchange shoes for DQ. I find out she can no longer wear children shoes since she needs a size 6-7, so we start the search for appropriate shoes. I have to threaten LB and LP several times, why is that other kids can sit still and wait patiently and mine and running around like wild animals? We finally settle on a pair of brown suede boots and as I try to do more shopping, I realize I have to get a stroller for LP because she is running around and I don't have the patience. I also don't want to go to jail for beating my child in public. As I push LP around, I turn my back for five seconds and as I start pushing the stroller, I notice it's considerably lighter, LP has gotten away! It takes the three of us to find her and we immediately leave the store. I know after the way they behave I shouldn't do it, but I take them CEC's. As the kids run and play, I settle down with a book and just relax. I glance up to see them laughing and playing and wonder how they can bring so much frustration and joy at the same time. I love them dearly, but sometimes I wonder "did I really produce these creatures?"

Needless to say, the past weekend was one of the longest I've experienced in a long time. I was ready for Monday! That is until DQ decided she wanted to wear the new boots. Since it was raining I told her to just wait because the rain would ruin them. Remember I call her Drama Queen for a reason, she assured me that she would be careful, but I didn't give in and she pouted out the door in tennis shoes. Today is another rainy day and she said she is never going to get to wear them. I reminded her that she has at least three more months of cold weather, but I think all she heard was "blah, blah, blah."

This morning when I got out of bed I found myself actually counting down the days until the weekend. Maybe this one will be better, I plan on heading to AR to visit my parents and let the kids run around and ride their bikes.

Parents Just Don't Understand...Or Do We?

2006-10-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

As I try to raise my three children to be responsible, productive adults to society, I sometimes think I am going to lose my mind. Three children, so three different personalities. I have the oldest, who we'll call dq (drama queen) ; the middle child, we'll call him lb (laid back) ; and the youngest, let's call her lp (little princess), so I try to approach each differently with life lessons, but I'm almost at the end of my rope with dq. DQ is in the sixth grade, so not only do I have to deal with problems that present themself due to puberty, I'm dealing with a very social child. Our personalities clash on a daily basis and I've heard the phrases, "I hate you!" and "You're just too strict!" more than I expected. I try to be patient, but there are times when I lose it and I just want to shake her until the wires in her brain reconnect. With LB, I don't have too much of problem since our personalities are so much alike. We just tend to go with the flow and don't get excited and anxious about every little thing, if I could just get him to sit still. My LP is turning out to be a mix of dq and lb and you never know which personality is going to show up for the day. I've read several books, but I wonder, do these "experts" have children? Are they speaking from practical experience, or is it all theory? So, I've begun questioning my methods and started asking myself if I am really out of touch and do I really understand the youth of today. I realize that my children are exposed to much more than I was at their ages and not everything they're exposed to is beneficial for their growth. I mean, watching television with them after 7:00 p.m. is a challenge. Youth of today are exposed to violence and sex constantly and as much as we try to protect their innocence, the reality is that they spend a lot of time with peers and friends, and I've learned their input weighs much more heavily than mine at times. So, we watch CSI, Law and Order and other crime shows and I use those as teaching moments. No, you don't follow strangers ; yes, just being in the crowd sometimes can cause problems ; yes, there are some sick people out there who prey on children ; yes, bad things happen to good people. I know some people would say that it's a bit extreme, but my children are not naive and know anything can happen to anyone.

I am a quiet person by nature. But what a lot of people don't know is that quiet people do a lot of watching and listening. I've watched a lot of parents throughout my years and I've learned a lot-- both positive and negative. My biggest concern is the lack of respect that has become so prevalent in our society. Back in the day, I might have thought about talking back, but the words NEVER came out of the mouth. Nowadays, kids say whatever they feel. I realize the "experts" think that this is a form of self-expression, but I beg to differ. Most of the problems are due simply to a lack of respect. We just do whatever we want, whenever we want, regardless of the circumstances to ourselves and especially to others. So, in my effort to teach my children, I've made respect the core of everything. Not only do I teach my children by words, I try to teach them by my actions. I hate the phrase, "Do as I say, not as I do." Children are sponges and they soak up everything whether good or bad, so adults need to realize that their actions speak louder than words.

So, as I look at my kids, I guess things could be worse. I'm so thankful to have healthy, vibrant children. I feel so blessed to have them in my life, they have certainly made it richer and taught me what it truly means to love unconditionally. So, in my effort to become a better parent, I try not to dwell on the little things and look at the big picture. I try to incorporate some creative things into my old school parenting. To answer my question, I think parents today understand too much and have shifted from parents to friends and it's not good. Our kids have enough friends, they need parents to help guide and teach them.

We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching. -- Roy L. Smith

Oklahoma is OK!

2006-10-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

I spent Fall Break in Oklahoma City. I had some free time, so I ventured out to one of my favorite spots, Quail Springs Mall. While having lunch in the food court, I began to just watch the people and was amazed at the diversity that OKC offers. I knew OKC was a diverse city, but having spent the last year and a half in Mississippi where everything (the people) is Black and White, it was nice to see so many ethnicities in one location. I saw people from all types of backgrounds/descents...Black, White, Asian, Eastern and Latino. I saw interracial couples and their beautiful children. It was a wonderful experience.

I see diversity as something postive. It gives us the chance to grow and learn about other people and cultures. It makes us think outside the box and realize that the world is much larger than us and/or our backgrounds. I don't understand why people won't embrace diversity. I was recently asked the question, "What if everyone in the world/church/workplace was just like me?" It made me think and realize the importance of each person's individuality. It made me think about diversity and how it has added richly to America's heritage. If people would study American history, they'd find that some of our most recognized traditions were inspired by foreign beliefs or practices. Perhaps the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. says it best, "All life is interrelated. The agony of the poor impoverishes the rich; the betterment of the poor enriches the rich. We are inevitably our brother's keeper because we are our brother's brother. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. "

Their problem is NOT my problem

2006-10-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

I've been divorced for about 18 months, I was separated for about a year in a half prior to the finalization of my divorce. Ending my marriage was the hardest decision I've ever made, who wants their marriage to fail? Currently, my life has some peace and stability and it has been achieved WITHOUT a man in my life. Yes, I date. Yes, I talk to men. But there is no one in my life that I see or talk to on a daily basis and I'm fine with that. I've come to realize that just because I'm okay with it doesn't mean squat to society.

I visit my parents in Arkansas frequently and I'm always asked, "Have you met someone yet?" "When are you going to bring someone home for us to met?" and other questions of that nature. When I inform them that I don't have a steady or that having a man is not one of my priorities, I get looks or disbelief and I think a few people think I'm crazy. Why does our society think that people have to have a mate? I read an interesting book by Myles Monroe titled, "Single, Married, Separated and Divorced" and in it he explains that not all of us were created for marriage, some of us are chosen to be single because there are some things in the ministry we can't do if we have a mate. He also talks about preparing for marriage and how we fail to do that. I didn't date much when growing up, so I had a fairytale view of marriage and it wasn't until I started having marital problems that I started seeking solutions to the problems. By that time, the damage had pretty much been done and divorce was basically my only option.

I like to use the saying, "a blessing in disguise" or even "when God closes a door, He opens a window" to describe what has transpired since my divorce. The past three years have seen me grow as a person. I now know who I am and I'm not looking for people or things to define who I am. It is because of that that I feel like I don't have to have a mate to complete me. I used to wonder why married couples would choose not to have children, but now I get it. I just wish the rest of society would too.

Flavor Flav!!!

2006-10-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm sleepy. Nobody's fault but my own. My after work plans for yesterday included going home to eat, workout, watch NCIS and Law & Order: CI, follwed by a good night's sleep to begin at exactly 9:00. But what did I do when L&O goes off, I flipped through the channels and landed on my secret indulgence..."The Flavor of Love, 2" Most people who know me would think it is totally out of character for me to love this reality show. But it is the fact that it is so unbelievable that I love it.

Back when I was a teen, I was a huge Public Enemy fan and loved the messages in their music. I still think Chuck D has one of the smoothest voices in the rap game. I remember watching them and thinking what purpose did Flav serve, was he just the gimmick man? Once they took a backseat in the rap industry, I never wondered what happened to Flav, he was totally forgettable. Then who should appear on "The Surreal Life"-- Flavor Flav himself. He continued where he left off, just an older version of the clock wearing lunatic. I didn't watch "The Surreal Life", but it seemed Flav was back on the map.

Not only was Flav back on the map, he was looking for a special someone to share his new found success with, hence "The Flavor of Love." The premise of the show-- start off with about 20 women who compete for Flav's heart. He eliminates "contestants" each week and he tries to weed out those who have motives other than total committment to him. The show is filled with catfights, backstabbing and words that have to be beeped out every few seconds. I knew the show was on, but I never took the time to watch it, then one day out of boredom, I watched the show. At the time when I caught the show, he was down to three women, Pumpkin, Hoopz, and New York. I just sat there mesmerized by these women and their worship of this man. Anytime he kissed them, I'd cringe. How could someone kiss this horrific looking creature?! But, I must admit, I was hooked. I watched as he choose Hoopz and gave her a grill at the end of the show. For those of you who are not familiar with the hip-hop scene, a grill is a set of teeth that goes over the natural teeth. They are usually made of platinum, gold and sometimes have diamonds in them. Most rappers have them, but I have seen a few of our students try to hold them in their mouth as they talk, pretty amusing. Anyway, it seems once Hoopz was chosen, she realized she wasn't ready to settle down, but wanted to take advantage of her new found success and dumped Flav.

So now we have season two and I have been a faithful viewer. I watched the women come and go and have been thoroughly entertained with each episode. He is now down to New York (she came back!) and Delesious (pro-nounced Delicious) and next week's season finale should be very interesting. Personally, when he brought in his six children and two grandchildren, I would have made my exit, but I guess love is blind.

So, now I try to make it through the day because I am hooked on "The Flavor of Love." Who would've thought?

Reflection time...

2006-10-04T06:19:00.001-07:00

Thursday, September 21, 2006

As my 37th birthday approaches, I look back over the year and reflect on changes-- both postive and negative-- and I think I've grown tremendously. Man, it took 37 years for me to finally love myself and realize how valuable I am. I am finally at a point in my life that I love being me!As I enter each new decade, I find my interests, priorities and values change. In my twenties, it was all about the external me... the perfect hair, wardrobe, house, family. I found myself stressed beyond belief, not to mention the debt I accumulated. I lived to satfisy those around me and took no time to really figure out who I was or the direction my life was taking.

As I entered my thirties, my values began to change. I realized that family is important and I began to appreciate my parents, aunts, uncles and adult cousins. Of course, my children were important, but I began to focus more of what I was putting into them than what I was putting on them or buying for them. I realized that loving them meant teaching them values, not making sure they had all the latest gadgets and fashions.

As I start the journey to my fourties, I realize how important it is to be a complete person and how important it is to have a balanced life. When I find myself stressed, I look at what is getting too much of my time and energy and immediately regroup. To stay balanced I make sure I'm eating right, gettting enough exercise, enough rest, spending time with my children, feeding my mind, and my spirit. So many times I hear women say they loves themselves, but their actions speak differently. I hope my lifestyle is an accurate testimony of what I believe.I thank God for the people He placed in my life to help me make it to this point. There were times when I was angry and resentful, but part of my growth process has been able to view those as challenges and learning opportunities. I look back over the past 36 years and breathe a sigh of relief that I made it this far!

Enough!

2006-10-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

I just came back from the restroom and I'm a bit disturbed. There was a person in the other stall and when she finished, she flushed the toilet, gathered her things and left. Just walked right past the sink, out the door. Didn't use the nice foam soap, didn't rinse her hands off, didn't even take a paper towel to wipe them off, just out the door. No, this is not the first time I've witnessed such repulsive behavior, but it's more common than most realize. I work at a community college and we serve a diverse student body. It has no boundaries-- whether it be age, race, body type, pee or poop-- a majority of our students don't wash their hands.

Just think, these same people are working at our restaurants and fast food establishments. Yes, we've all seen the signs that employees must wash hands before returning to work, but I'm sure the manager isn't waiting for them to return from the restroom to make sure they do so. I realize that heat kills bacteria, but what about that turkey sub or tuna salad sandwich? Well, I guess those latex gloves are beneficial afterall. I say enough is enough! We should have a National Hand Washing Awareness Week or Month, so that people can learn the many benefits of washing hands.

Love Jesus, Hate Church!

2006-10-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

Today I browsed through a book I cataloged titled, "Love Jesus, Hate Church." Ahh, my sentiments exactly. After attending Victory Christian Center in OKC, my relationship with Jesus Christ grew and I grew impatient with traditional church. Pastor Mark Crow believed that each individual should have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. As that relationship grows, behaviors would change and so would lives. In addition, my kids were involved in the children's ministry, not only could I enjoy service, but my kids were being taught relevant messages and their love for church grew.

Then something happened-- I moved to MS. I moved to Northwest MS, 32 miles from Memphis, there would be no problem finding a church that would continue to challenge me, right? Wrong-- I didn't realize I was moving into a denominational warzone! I visited a Penecostal church--three hours of wrestling with my kids ; I tried a Baptist-- pretty much the same thing. Does anyone here have a children's ministry? NO! Children need to learn how to sit and listen and not play all the time. We don't do daycare at our church. Okay, not only am I bored out of my wits listening to a preacher talk about the way things used to be, but my kids are twisting and turning and asking me when are we leaving. If the sermon isn't relevant to my issues/problems today, how do they expect kids to listen. "Love Jesus, Hate Church."

So, being a librarian, I did some research and found a nondenominational church in Olive Branch, MS-- a 40 minute drive. I've found a scenic route, so I relax on the way and my mind is alert and ready to receive the message. Not only do I hear life changing messages, my kids are taught relevant Bible lessons and have fun at church. I know what you're thinking, "you drive 40 minutes to church?" I've heard that question a few times from coworkers and family members, but I quickly point out that we would drive 40 minutes to go to a mall, or a nice restaurant or a football/basketball game. I see no difference, my soul and spirit are being fed and my kids are excited about going to church. The congregation is diverse, the praise and worship is spirit lifting and the message is relevant and challenging.As I browsed through the book, I saw many examples of the churches I've attended through the years and my heart aches for those who truly have a hunger for God, but are stuck in the traditional church where so much is based on appearance. We live in a sight and sound generation and to reach people, we've got to change the way we do things. I've heard it said, "don't change the message, just the method." I think that is very well put.

Can we just get along?

2006-09-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

I recently moved to northwest Mississippi and having been out of the deep south for a few years, I was pretty oblivious to the race issue. Boy, have my eyes been opened the past sixteen months. I grew up in a small town in Southeast Arkansas, so I've seen and experienced segregation and racism firsthand. I thought the days of blatant racism was over, but boy was I wrong. I've had several people point out that the subjects of negative behavior were Black. To me, bad is behavior is universal and instead of talking about the color of the perpetrators, let's talk about solutions to the problems. No, I don't think sagging pants is a fashion statement, but I don't like the Daisy Duke or pajamas either. No, I don't like the drug dealers standing on the corner, but who is their market? Believe me, their lifestyles are not supported by only Blacks smoking or sniffing.

I was floored by a comment made by an ederly lady. She was explaining how she told some young men to pull up their pants. She said it was her duty as a Christian to let them know it was not appropiate, she then turned and looked at me and said, "they were Black boys." Why? I don't know, maybe she thinks it's my responsibility to go around and tell all Black people how to dress. I hear people talk about their church and are quick to point out that they are Christians, but yet have no love for mankind. Do these people think heaven is going to be segregated like the churches they attend? The things I've heard and seen while here is a testament that racism is a taught behavior and is not going to end because of affirmative action, diversity programs, or a few discrimination lawsuits. I have no problem with racial pride, the problem is believing one is better because of their race. We think things are getting better, but just because things aren't as blatant as they once were means nothing. It is our responsibilty as a race to educate others on our value. A few months back, I was finding myself discouraged, but after much thought and recollection, I realized that everything happens for a reason. I can be that light, not only to our students, but to my coworkers. I can break the cycle of ignorance and let people know that all Blacks are not ghetto, lazy or stupid. I thank all of my friends and family who let me know how valuable I am to our students and the community. I've come to the realization that racism will never end because it has existed throughout history, but I'm willing to helping make a change. Are you? Get involved, speak up and stand up!